listen to pain’s message and respond appropriately—taking good care (radical acceptance)

Having been left with chronic pain as a result of the withdrawal syndrome, I often work with it from this perspective. In acceptance one also learns to listen to the body. In listening to the body, one learns to heal. Healing doesn’t always mean curing. Sometimes one must learn to live well while being sick.

While fear of pain is a natural human reaction, it is particularly dominant in our culture where we consider pain as bad, or wrong. Mistrusting our bodies, we use “pain killers,” assuming that whatever removes pain is the right thing to do. In our society’s cultural trance, rather than a natural phenomenon, pain is regarded as the enemy. Pain is the messenger we try to kill, not something we allow and embrace…

Whenever we react to pain with fear and view it as “wrong,” we set in motion a waterfall of reactivity. Fear, itself made up of unpleasant sensations, only compounds the pain—now we not only want to get away from the original pain, but also from the pain of fear. In fact, the fear of pain is often the most unpleasant part of a painful experience. When we assess physical sensations as something to be feared, pain is not just pain. It is something wrong and bad that we must get away from.

Often, this fear of pain proliferates into a web of stories. Yet, when we are habitually immersed in our stories about pain, we prevent ourselves from experiencing it as the changing stream of sensations that it is. Instead, as our muscles contract around it and our stories identify it as the enemy, the pain solidifies into a self-perpetuating, immovable mass. Our resistance can end up creating new layers of symptoms and suffering, since when we abandon our body for our fear-driven stories about pain, we actually trap the pain in our body.

When, instead of Radical Acceptance, our initial response to physical pain is fear and resistance, the ensuing chain of reactivity can be consuming. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat our pain. This same process unfolds when our pain is emotional—we resist the unpleasant sensations of loneliness, sorrow, anger. Whether physical or emotional, when we react to pain with fear, we pull away from an embodied presence and go into the suffering of trance.

Yet, we need to realize that being alive includes feeling pain, sometimes intense pain. And, as the Buddha taught, we suffer only when we cling to or resist experience; when we want life different than it is. As the saying goes: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

When painful sensations arise and we can simply meet them with clarity and presence, we can see that pain is just pain. We can listen to pain’s message and respond appropriately—taking good care. If we are mindful of pain rather than reactive, we do not contract into the experience of a victimized, suffering self. We can meet whatever presents itself with Radical Acceptance, allowing the changing stream of sensations to simply flow through us without making any of it wrong.

From  ●  Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life (2003)

Tara Brach, also see  Pain is not wrong for a longer excerpt (on Wildmind)

More posts that feature Tara Brach on this blog:

●  Accepting Absolutely Everything

●  Our ideas are not truth: a little (funny) dharma lesson

●  Gossip Demeans Ourselves and Others

●  Vulnerability and intimacy

●  Vipassana (Mindfulness) Meditation

●  The Mystery of Who We Are

●  A moment of calm — Tara Brach

I found both the below book and guided meditations greatly inspiring. These are excellent introductory materials that can apply to anyone regardless of whether one is drawn to Buddhism. Tara Brach is also a psychologist and draws from her practice when sharing her thoughts in the book.

●  Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha (paperback)

●  Radical Acceptance: Guided Meditations (audio CD)

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