Brief Update….it’s all I’m up to right now

I haven’t heard from my brother. I don’t know that he checks his email everyday and I don’t want to call him for fear of putting him on the spot. If he feels he needs rejuvenation time, like my sister, before the house is full of people again I want him to feel he can tell me. I think email is better suited for that.

So I don’t know whether I’ll be traveling in the next few days or not.

Oddly enough this morning, I still woke up with the horrible feeling of dread that I’ve gotten used to since my brother went severely downhill, yet at the same time my consciousness dared think there might be some miracle. I don’t know if this is downright delusional, or just symptomatic of the “indomitable” human spirit.

A good friend of mine had a cousin with cancer. For a couple of years we supported one another. Her cousin had a rare form of cancer which attacks all areas of the abdominal cavity–she was told no one ever survives it. No one. 100% mortality rate. The cancer spontaneously disappeared about a year into the diagnosis. I don’t know what to do with a story like that.

My friend is a hard-core Christian. She is an unusual friend for me to have but I love her, in spite of her sprinkling all she says with “the good Lord” this “the good Lord” that. (I don’t actually see her socially, but we worked together and she’s simply a beautiful, loving woman.) She always asked me to pray for her cousin and offered prayers for my brother. I only once said to her, “I really don’t have faith.” To which her answer was, “Of course you do.” Anyway her whole family prayed their asses off for her cousin. I couldn’t help thinking about that when she ended up recovered.

Anyway, I feel this strange, scary hope. He keeps hanging on.