I suppose there is a gene or chemical imbalance that causes this addiction. The AMA has got to be right, right? Are any of our vices just that anymore? Let's drug them all away, numb ourselves into submission and throw out personal responsibility. Looking for the psychological cause for avoiding life is just a waste... Continue Reading →
Histamine, zinc and copper
Update — histamine issues are highly significant but the doctor referred to in the below post did not appreciate the true depth of the significance at all. Dietary changes (which ultimately allowed for better detoxification) were far more important than anything any one supplement could do at the juncture in which she met me. Needs... Continue Reading →
A different shade of pink
I'm not going to California for now and I'm not going to talk about it. I've had two wonderful days in the last four days. I'm a bit distracted from the ongoing misery of my brother and I'm damn glad about it. If I can just push it all into the recesses of my brain... Continue Reading →
Waiting and a meditation retreat
I'm doing a lot of waiting. Waiting to go to CA, waiting to for my brother to die, waiting to hear there has been a miracle and my brother is not going to die, waiting for this seemingly never ending withdrawal process to end. Waiting to begin my life once that process is over. Waiting.... Continue Reading →
Comparisons
"Comparisons are odious," said George Herbert in the 16th century. I wrote the below piece yesterday. I'm not completely comfortable with it. I suppose my influence is Buddhism. I'm not a Buddhist, but I like a lot of the philosophy and often find it comforting. See what you think and weigh in with your ideas:... Continue Reading →
Brief Update….it’s all I’m up to right now
I haven't heard from my brother. I don't know that he checks his email everyday and I don't want to call him for fear of putting him on the spot. If he feels he needs rejuvenation time, like my sister, before the house is full of people again I want him to feel he can... Continue Reading →
Warning: Lament ahead
I've been hanging low and trying not to think too much about my brother lately. It just brings grief to think. He is stable for the time being, and as he has for the length of his four and a half year illness he continues to fight and beat the odds. The odds are getting... Continue Reading →
All 36 psychiatric drugs I’ve taken (make that 37)
You think maybe something wasn't quite right? In the end nothing worked and in retrospect much made me worse, hence the withdrawal process I'm now going through. Many times on the "trials" of these drugs I went through periods of at least two weeks (my doctor always told me to stick it out as the... Continue Reading →
Friends and the continued withdrawal process
I believe I've mentioned how I've shrunk back from most of my friends in the last couple of months since the heaviness of my brothers predicament has struck me like no other time over the course of his illness. I find that spending time with friends, in general, is a downer because I can't shake... Continue Reading →
Yes, I can still laugh
Oh my, it's been three days since I've been inspired to write anything and I'm getting that "must write something" feeling. I hesitate to continue on with the misery I feel over my dying brother. The seemingly never ending agony of not knowing when--but knowing sometime soon. I've gotten to the point where I just... Continue Reading →
Everything Matters 
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