I believe I mentioned in a prior post when talking about my exhaustion that I had a “4th of July” party to go to on Saturday the 7th, that I was concerned about being able to handle.
It is a party that happens in our community every year and it is usually great fun. It’s on a huge farm on several acres and about 200 – 300 people show up every year.
The highlight of the party is the pizza making.
They have a wood burning pizza oven built into a hill.
They have a HUGE pile of dough and everyone brings toppings. The toppings are often delightful gourmet offerings like shitake mushrooms, kalamata olives, artichoke hearts, homemade pesto and feta cheese. The standard fare is there as well.
I don’t eat pizza the rest of the year because of the refined flour. Well, I make an exception once a year at this party because it is simply phenomenal pizza.
So that part was fun.
But before I left I made (the same) mistake (stupid, stupid) mistake from only a little more than a week ago. I was so wasted, so exhausted that I didn’t feel up to going. I felt pressure to go since I’ve been such a stranger in my community for so long. So I did the heavy caffeinated beverage thing again. And I paid so bad. You think I might have learned now? I sure hope so. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to accept that I CANNOT any longer tolerate caffeine.
It did, of course, allow me to go and I had a bit of fun, but I was also on an emotional roller coaster ride. First I cried because all the women there my age had children they were busy with–they hung out with each other. At any other time in my life I would have joined them and played with their kids. I probably could have even done this had I dragged myself there caffeine free for an hour or two. But the caffeine made me such a wreck I lost all confidence.
After getting over that I later burst into tears because my husband told me I looked angry. I was sad, not angry. I didn’t feel good.
Anyway. I think I can finally say the caffeine experimentation days are over. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to accept that it simply does NOT do what it used to for me. I felt like an idiot all yesterday (the day after the party) while I felt physically beaten as a result of it’s consumption. I was in agony by last night. Yes, there is such a thing as a nasty caffeine hangover and sensitive people like me know it.
Today I feel better. I do wonder if PMS played a role or not. I’m trying to figure out if the suggestions my orthomolecular doctor made to correct the PMS is working. I won’t know now until I fully recover from my caffeine exposure. Hoping that this pre-menstrual phase will be easier. More on that later.