Day 2, 2008

I didn’t write much of a new year salutation, and I’m feeling more inclined today. Mostly I want to thank all of you who have been reading my blog since March of last year when I started it—or anytime you picked it up since then. I want you to know that without you and all your experiences and support I don’t know where I’d be. I want you to know that you are the springboard into the new year for me.

I had a couple of scary weeks recently and so I also want to tell you I’m totally recovered from those. The lamictal withdrawal symptoms have abated nicely and the weirdo toxic reaction to the chemical my husband used on the furniture was just that. It hit fast and furious and disappeared into thin air. I am stable again, as always after a wobbly period during a taper. I’m in traveling condition and I’m ready to start tapering vigorously once I settle in California.

I have discovered with profound humility and gratitude that I am greatly loved by friends and family in California. Several people have offered me their homes while I visit the area to see the doctor. Two have opened their homes to me for the total six weeks. That leaves me almost speechless. Many others have offered me their places for shorter times and one wonderful woman I met through this blog offered to pick me up at the airport. (no other friend or family member offered that! most people hate to set foot in SF airport unless they are going somewhere—I’m always left to figure my own way out whether that be by rental or shuttle–and I hate shuttles!!)

I have carefully discussed the possibilities with the two people I will stay with during the heart of the tapering to gauge their comfort level should I go into distress. My husband has been great in those moments and I want to feel safe in California too. Both people I’ve questioned have left me feeling assured they will not freak if I’m having a bad time, they will not feel offended if I wish to be alone or become anti-social, and they will not hospitalize me. The doctor I’m seeing let me know I don’t and needn’t expect things to get worse, but I wanted to feel safe in the event that I do so I put those questions out there.

So out I head out into the new year which may truly be a marker for me. I walk into it tentatively. I do not expect miracles lest I get disappointed, but I do feel optimistic. The worst that can happen is that I return to what I’ve been doing. Which as I sit writing this calmly, without withdrawal symptoms (other than the never ending fatigue) I see that very clearly, what I am doing is already working—I am successfully getting off my meds. If this trip to CA “fails,” I will simply return to my current endurance test and finish it over the course of the next couple of years.

I simply hope that the test ends in the next 6 months or so.

Again thank you all so much.