I took my four day road trip with my mom. I am exhausted.
While meeting my doctor was truly wonderful and exciting, being with my mom 24 hours a day (literally) was an extremely difficult ordeal. I need to sort out all the emotional stuff that has surfaced over the last several days.
As I’ve said many times, as I come off the drugs my emotions, blunted for nearly 2 decades are resurfacing. They come at me raw and intensely.
Though my mother is a kind woman, she also was an ineffective mother when I was young. She kept us in a dangerous emotional and physical hell-hole with my father. She did this because she has no sense of self. There is much reason to find compassion for her, but I’m still processing my pain. She still has no sense of self and when this is manifested in her behavior on a daily and minute by minute basis it is a major trigger for me.
So I need to process what I’ve been through in the last several days. Mom is still here and I need to call her and tell her to come on over from her hotel. I need to spend one last day with her and tomorrow she goes home. I hope to have time to return to the blog with more regularity and something of interest to say by tomorrow, but I am truly profoundly spent.
I will be around to answer comments. And hope to get back to putting up educational or interesting content within the next 48 hours.
Hugs, Gianna. I can certainly relate to what you say about your mom, and the insight you have into it helps me. I guess our parents mess us up both by what they do and also what they don’t do. Becoming a parent myself has done more than anything else to help me understand and forgive, but I still have to hold my mum at arms’ length, and sharing my domestic space with her is the hardest thing of all. Take care of your dear self.
It sounds like you are doing a good job of taking care of yourself and setting priorities. I am impressed and look forward to reading your processing when it comes. Rushing it may not be of help- trust your pace. Annie
thank you Susan for the applause… 😉 I do think I’ve done very well considering how difficult it’s been.
Anxious to hear some of YOUR insights, my dear!
Val,
I’m anxious to want to write about them and NOTHING is coming. Spent the whole day with Mom again…am just taking a small break now—then I’ll spend a good part of the evening with her—-not sure when I’ll be able to really unwind and think well enough to write.
I’m really wanting the release writing offers me, but nothing is coming—I think I need her gone.
She will be flying out at 1:40 tomorrow.
There’s no place like home, eh???
It’s strange, I can see myself “mirroring” some of MY mother’s insecurities & deep-seated emotional neediness; maybe we never truly outgrow that… I dunno.
Anxious to hear some of YOUR insights, my dear!
Dear Gianna,
Welcome back! Your trip sounds great. And I think that “processing all these thoughts” about your mom is so very important.
It must be terribly difficult to deal with the fact that your mother didn’t protect you from your dad, but that you love her. And it’s got to be frustrating that in all these years, she doesn’t seem to have “grown” as a person.
I applaud your patience and your love for her. And it sounds like you dealt with things really well!
Susan