I always wondered what would happen once the neuroleptics (antipsychotics) were gone. Would my body, fat for so many years, just stay that way? I suspected yes. I somehow figured my body had simply learned to be fat. There are lots of studies on obesity that suggest the body wants to be the weight it is and becomes wired as such and that is why 95% of dieters fail to maintain weight loss. I believe the studies.
I figured I was just like them.
But I guess I’m not. I am fat, after all, because of the meds and really there is no denying it. I was a super thin, active athlete before I started taking meds. I was strong and hard and had incredible stamina for long, hard, bike rides in the hills surrounding the Bay Area. I went to the gym daily too. I hiked, swam, and played tennis. I pretty much did anything athletic that came my way.
So when I got fat on drugs, it was confused by the fact that I couldn’t be athletic in the same way anymore either due to the sedating, butt-kicking effect of the drugs. I stopped exercising because I had no energy. So people (family and friends and therapists and psychiatrists, all) blamed the lack of exercise. They made it MY fault. This was so many years ago people didn’t really know how horribly weight-gaining these drugs are even if people do manage to keep exercising and then there is the fat-phobic nature of our society—those of us who are fat are always at fault, psych meds or not—all it ever takes is a bit of discipline….yeah right.
In any case right now I’m too weak to exercise more than an occasional walk and a bit of stretching and I’ve lost 15 lbs in the last couple of months as I’ve come off the last of the neuroleptics, the drugs most guilty of weight gain…interesting isn’t it?? I haven’t tried to lose and ounce. Hell no, I’m not even exercising.
Fuck everyone who said I was a lazy fat person.
Drugs may sometimes be evil, but more so are all the people who like to blame us for how they make us dysfunctional—physically and emotionally.
Okay…I’m feeling a little residual rage coming up at the moment.
Deep breath and….