And the symptoms I have are like the worst that are talked about in the video. I think I made myself worse by drinking the caffeine and going to the party the other day—I wasn’t kidding when I said I rose myself up from the dead. And I’ve been completely bedridden since that day. I get frustrated and feel so alone because I really don’t think anyone has a clue how sick I am, except my husband. Even my siblings who I’ve tried to explain it to show absolutely no concern for me. My mom worries, but she doesn’t get it either. Of course they live across the country too.
It’s been happening for almost two years. I deny it a lot, but when my brother was dying of cancer we both had to sit down frequently when we went out with my sister one day. I was struck then at how debilitated I was. That really I was as debilitated as he was and he was dying.
That was over a year ago.
I occasionally have “good” days. I don’t know how that fits into the classic chronic fatigue syndrome diagnosis. But those days are few are far between now. I had a freak period where I was fine for 15 days in a row a couple of months ago, but the fact remains that most of the time I’m debilitated and have been for a very very long time now.
I’ve had some of the viruses associated with CFS. Epstein Barr and Mono. Anyway…is it the withdrawal, only, or is it CFS triggered by withdrawal? Certainly not everyone who withdraws from psychiatric drugs goes through this. Will I recover?
You know an interesting part of it is that since I’ve been off the Risperdal I’ve been nice to be around. I’m no longer horribly irritable and unpleasant to my husband much of the time. My mental health in many ways is better than ever. My mood stable. Of course there is no denying that living with such debilitation is extremely distressing but it’s different than when the drugs were giving me adverse psychiatric effects and it’s better.
Anyway, I no longer know if I’m writing about withdrawal or chronic fatigue syndrome or worse…sorry.
Just exchanged emails with the person I’m consulting with regarding withdrawal. She made a couple of suggestions for treatment and assured me I’m not sick from anything other than withdrawal. I hope so. I don’t know that I’ve ever told her my Epstein Barr virus history. Anyway…she has seen this before in people just withdrawing as we saw it even in Kim’s story yesterday.
Nonetheless it is my present reality and has been for a long time.
Again as a reminder, I once said the difference between this and depression, since a lot of people assume enervating fatigue is depression is that I’m dying to do stuff. I’m restless and want to get out of the house, see my friends, work, play, hike…and I CAN’T. Depressed people lose interest in doing these things…I have a ton of interest…and I’m frustrated as hell.