I’m uploadiing a video to youtube as I write this which I will include in this post. I think it’s pretty boring and really to long for how little I say. We’ll see by the stats it gets. I felt like making a video but I really had nothing much to say.
The video making is at this point is pure novelty. I just like the fact that I can do it. I really haven’t figured out a way to make them terribly meaningful. I am not driven to speak about all this stuff at this point, though it’s a fantasy that once I’m better I will be doing public speaking.
I want to remind people if they don’t know me that I am physically disabled from iatrogenisis. I got sick through treatment with drugs I never should have been on. I am not depressed. I am very active within the limits my body allows and that’s quite apparent if you take a look at the body of my blog, how often I post, and the variety of topics on which I post.
On the other hand, I’m so tired that I now have to limit what I read even. I’m uber focused on just the issues this blog covers and really can’t read or digest much else. It’s selective brain functioning. If I waste it on anything else I don’t have the energy for the work I feel I’m meant to do. Sometimes that means I can’t read your blog. Or it means I don’t have the energy to comment even if I do read.
This frustrates friends and relatives whom I’m not even willing to speak to most of the time because it’s just too exhausting. My best friends get this and so it’s really not an issue. It is difficult for my husband as I’m not a very active partner in our marriage right now. He too, however, is swamped with his work and is facing possibly losing his job so it’s all very stressful and neither of us has a lot of time for the other emotionally.
That being said, he takes care of me in the mornings. For some reason I really can’t do the simplest of tasks in the morning it’s got something to do with the drugs clearing my system I think. In particular the Klonopin since it’s got the shorter half life.
So he gets me my cup of peppermint or ginger tea, my water and my breakfast, a smoothie made up of organic plain yogurt, milled flax seeds, blueberries, 2 tablespoons fish oil (tasteless) and two farm fresh raw eggs. It’s not a large smoothie but in the morning if I eat anything solid I get grossly nauseous so I sip on this drink for about the next 5 hours or more. I am not ready for solid foods until after 4 pm at which point I stop being nauseous and can at least 75% of the time help myself.
On some days he needs to help me do everything.
Oh, by the way, the home care people came and I will be getting physical therapy twice a week and an occupational therapist will come and help me set up my home so I can use it better. Simple things like a bench in the shower. I’ve not been strong enough to bathe. A shower is too much in terms of standing in hot water and feeling weak and getting in and out of the tub is also too much. The bench will be a very nice thing to have under the shower. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that. I’ve simply been rather filthy lately. Again, as I said, my intellectual energies tend to be uber focused and I can’t think about much else.
And now I ramble. So I’ll stop. Here’s the video. Bad as it might be as I continue rambling.