Goodbye for now

I was grossly attacked yesterday by someone in the broader mental health blogging community. It’s in the last thread I did about going to detox.

I can’t do this anymore now in this weakened sickened state.

I gave the person attacking me information to clear my name so he has nothing to stand on, yet I’ve not received an apology.

I am so deeply sickened and tired of the attacks made on me when I choose to share my deeply personal and painful journey that I simply cannot continue now.

Perhaps if I feel better after detox I will resume.

I will be posting something written by my friend if she is able to get to the library—she does not have regular computer access. She wants to share her story. Also at some point her personal fundraising request to her church will probably be posted here, though I’ll make it a separate page and it probably won’t show up in readers or feeds.

Leah, I hope you’ll continue posting as it’s likely once I’m not so grossly ill I will be able to resume and we can hope I will begin to feel a bit better once I’m through detox, but bottom line is I simply don’t know.

I have some stuff I want to write and so I will write for myself and maybe in the future when I feel safer I will post it.

Love to all of you.

I will leave comments open but will not be responding. I really need a break. I may shut down comments as well if it feels like I should at some point. (actually I’m going to try to put the whole site on moderation, but I tried that yesterday and it didn’t work…we’ll see)

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the social network but I may need to shut it down as I don’t have anyone else to help keep people safe and sometimes well intentioned people give really bad advice or aren’t aware of all the caveats that need to be stressed. For those of you who are part of the network please remember none of the advice given out is professional or expert, only our own experiences. As is everything on this blog.

If anyone has ideas on that send me an email. Don’t necessarily expect responses any time soon though.

34 thoughts on “Goodbye for now

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  1. Well if you don’t get any negative reactions that probably means that what you are doing isn’t working, so I would take it as a positive sign. Nevertheless it isn’t a good feeling so stick in there and see you back soon.

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  2. I will be thinking about you during your time at the detox center. I know you will gain so much in doing this, and as always, it will be a blessing to all of us. I wish you tremendous healing, love and peace the entire time. You’ll be stronger for it but I know that you know this already.

    Jan

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  3. Gianna,
    I trust you’ll read this when you return or are feeling better. And by then you will be able to put the remark that was of the camel-breaking kind into perspective. But Ana’s right–when we’re vulnerable some pretty small things can trip us up.

    You have lots of people to catch you. And they (including me) are there as a result of the work you have done in building a network of support for yourself and others. Be proud.

    Best wishes always,
    Sherry

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  4. Thank you for all that you have shared. I have learned so much from you. I continue to search for answers for a son who has been struggling for about 3 years now. When you are able, I would appreciate knowing where you are going for detox and also what your experience was while there.
    Thank you and God bless…
    Lynn

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  5. i think and hope you know this: without you, i don’t know where i’d be. your writings here are an inspiration and a great help to so many people including myself. you speak the truth-the truth that most mainstream doctors choose to hide. your (unfortunately) long road of recovery is painful and saddening to read but very informative and helpful-again to so many people.

    having said that. i wish you the best as you seek proper treatment and most importantly—take care of YOU for now. that’s what is crucial here.

    when you are well again (and I believe in my heart you will be) we need you-that’s not to put pressure on you, that’s to let you know what an inspiration you are and that your voice is needed.

    all of my love to you. i wish i could hug you right now…so badly.

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  6. Thanks Gianna for all your work, my friends and I have benefited greatly from your blog and wish you the best as you heal. We all hope to hear from you again when you are ready.
    Blessings Be
    Rev James

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  7. I’ve always wondered about Joanne Greenberg’s choice of title for I Never Promised You A Rose Garden, and it wasn’t before I watched Take These Broken Wings that I realized just how essential a truth there lies in the suggestion, that life can be tough.

    It is tough. Not least because of everybody who hasn’t yet realized, and thus act out their trauma on others. Instead of working it out.

    It can be a challenge, bringing about growth, having to deal with this acting out, while one is in the process of working out. Nevertheless, as there’s a time for challenges, there is a time for retreat. Take your time!

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  8. Dear Gianna,

    Safe travels this week. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    I am wishing so many good things for you.
    I do so hope all goes well for you over the next weeks. Be strong.
    There is so much love, support, genuine interest and care for you, as has been so clearly expressed from the comments in the past days. I hope it helps a little with the journey ahead. You are truly an amazing woman.
    Every good wish and a huge hug!
    Emma

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  9. Get well soon Ghianna – my thoughts are with you and just concentrate on yourself right now. Your site helps so many people and I want to thank you so much for what you do. I have followed some links from your site and they have been incredibly helpful. Just to let you know I am one week totally off valium now and 18 weeks totally off that dreadful neuroleptic drug I had been on for over 30 years and feeling so much better already. You will get there and be able to smell the roses in life again too as you are so brave and don’t give up. Hang on in there everyone is routing for you.
    Much love

    Jenny xxx

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  10. My heart goes out to you. You have helped me so much, and I know there are many, many others who can say the same thing.

    But I really liked what Bell said so it bears repeating 🙂

    Thank you for being so complicated.
    Thank you for being so hellbent and compassionate.
    Thank you for being so honest and imperfect.
    Thank you in advance for noticing, thinking about, and writing down all the details for us…..

    I can’t wait to hear all about it when you get back from detox!!! and I’ll be all caught up on your blog by then. ; – )

    Great big hug,
    Froscha

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  11. Hang in there girl!
    As always, let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help, though I know I am pretty far away.

    Take care of yourself. You help so many people, but you know better than anyone, you must take care of yourself first, others later. I often have to remind myself of that as a Mom, take care of me or I can’t take the best care of my kiddos. 🙂

    You’re so strong! Keep up the great work!

    Stef

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  12. All the best Gianna,
    I beleive you speak from the heart and you are doing your best to bring the truth to others through your own experiences. You are courageous and a fighter. Much strength to you.

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  13. Take good care of yourself G. I know in the end you will prevail and you will recover. This is a difficult journey you are on (one I have recently arrived home from), but the rewards are worth it. Recovery is so wonderful – even the small glimpses of it I am getting now. I can’t wait for you to follow me out into the sunshine.

    Love and big hugs,
    Pat

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  14. Gianna..

    You know what they say in England when you hit trouble? “Stiff upper lip” !

    The world is full of monsters, rogues and bullies. Online or offline.. they are everywhere.

    Nevertheless, they all help to form the rich tapestry of life!

    Keep at it, there is a battle to be won!

    Love Sloopy

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  15. I want to clarify something then I will go silent again…

    The incident I speak of above was only a catalyst…I get routinely attacked by all sorts of people and I don’t have the stomach for it now.

    When I am stronger and can again deal with hateful people who have nothing better to do than hurt people who have done nothing to them…then I will return…

    if and when that day comes.

    one lousy comment was not enough to do this…I simply need to take care of myself and constant stress on the internet is not where I can do that right now.

    peace to you all.

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  16. Gianna,
    The person you speak of is an asshole. I’ve had run in’s with him myself. I wouldn’t pay any attention to the garbage that comes out of his mouth or the crap he types with his grubby little sausage fingers. He isn’t worth the anxiety and pain he has caused. Block this jerk from your blog, from your mind, from your life… Isn’t it amazing how scum floats to the top???
    God bless you and keep you safe. The writing and love you have sent out to everyone will carry you far, and I wish you peace and healing.
    Take time for yourself – Come back to us when you are able, we will be waiting to learn more from your journey.
    Wendy

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  17. Gianna,

    I pray that your detox works and will give you the much needed physical relief as well as peace of mind you are seeking. You will remain in my thoughts and prayers throughout. I admire your strength and perserverance, as well as your ability to honor your own boundaries and needs! God bless you, dear one. We’ll hold the “sacred space” until you return.

    Big Texas Hugs,
    Gwen

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  18. Gianna,

    Thank you for everything you do. Your journey is a great source of inspiration for so many people. Keep your chin up and don’t let the assholes of the world get you down.

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  19. A shaman is a healed healer who does her curing by showing the spiritual dimensions of the recovery journey. It is always best to learn from an individual who has personal experience, who has wrestled with and overcome the same kinds of obstacles we stumble over.

    This morning I was wishing I had some sort of sponsor on this complex path, mostly because I can’t trust my advice to others without running it by a friend with a good bullshit detector! But, I guess I do have that resource here online.

    Whatever you learn in the course of your retreat will benefit the rest of us. And I think YOU will be teaching THEM a few things.

    Be well.

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  20. I’m new here and haven’t even joined in any discussions yet, but I have found so much on this site to inspire me, and through reading your blog I’ve realised I am not quite so alone in my experiences of spiritual emergency and alternate realities.
    I hope you can find spiritual renewal while you are away, and return here with new strength.

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  21. Gianna,

    You offered your blog to a practitioner who was inquiring about local resources for me. I’ve been reading it slowly, and it has led me to many different pages and sites.

    You’re amazing – I did break down in tears while washing my dishes and listening to your writing, but, ultimately, I draw strength from the journey that you share. I’m sorry that you’ve been attacked. Thank you for your work.

    It’s also encouraging and soothing to know that in the absence of noticeable activity online, your intention is to take a break and care for yourself.

    Sincerely,
    FalaLa

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  22. Gianna, take a break.

    Brew some good tea, listen to mellow music, daydream.

    You’ve earned a rest.

    Imagine that all the people you have touched with your blog and your words surround you. We know that fighting your own demons – or demons created by huge corporations – is one hell of a fight. We know that it has cost you.

    Every fighter needs a breather. But we bounce back up.

    Be well,
    Haakon

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  23. (please delete the first post of this—I put in on the wrong post)
    someone left a comment yesterday that bares repeating:

    ….I have been away from thsi blog for awhile and I just got semi caught up on it….I am sorry to hear that things have fluctuated to such a bad degree, caught in the undertow of this poisoning, …yet I cannot help but feel excited for you to be going somewhere where they will actually focus on your whole specific story and case and body and mind and help you make even more sense of it all!!!!!
    It is really great that you are so seriously aware of how lucky you are [to have come this far, to have this chance to look further at it all…] and in simply [ok maybe not so simply!] blogging about it and sharing your experiences [then and now and on through this coming period] you are throwing us all that luck like a lifeline.

    Your words have broken into the isolation and pain for SOOOO many here, many silent, and the ning group and your links have DIRECTLY helped people transcend their own physical mental and even emotional hells.
    I hope you feel all the very solid waves of regard that stretch to you from all of us [not to get too new agey but hey]
    I know it is cathartic fr you and your husband to take this step, and scary to find out the nitty gritty of your own biology, but you are so much more than those medical stats and I am sure it will be weird as hell in some ways [please tell us about it!] but then you will have more tools and more ideas that may help you in your own recovery, and may also spark something in any of us.

    Thank you for being so complicated.
    Thank you for being so hellbent and compassionate.
    Thank you for being so honest and imperfect.
    Thank you in advance for noticing, thinking about, and writing down all the details for us…..

    Anyone’s recovery and re-joining the world matters, you have been a champion of all of our rights to health and safety,…..but you are a special force and your writ9ing and work washes over alot of lives and matters in a big way.
    I have given this site out to teens and parents like 100 times since I found it.

    We are all rooting for you to just go forward as far as you can and at what the hell ever pace, and to find out more of your own personal puzzle. some of it won’t make this blog and that is fine and appropriate, we will all be grateful for whatever you choose to share of your experience.

    be safe, know we are all happy for you, drop a line if ya can, and rest and even have fun with any small bit you can squeeze beauty and fun out of….

    ~ a fan and freq reader.

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  24. Gianna, I am so sorry to hear of this and I wish you well. Peace. I will miss your inspirational, thoughtful, powerful posts as we all will, but you must take care of yourself, first. And heal. I will be thinking of you.

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  25. Love to you too…

    Gianna I will definitely do my best to keep the posts coming! Though I probably won’t be as prolific as you, we do get a lot of the same alerts, news, etc.

    Peace and well wishes to you always…glad you’re doing what you need to do for yourself.

    Look forward to hearing from you when it feels right.

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  26. Again, I’m sorry you are so sick, and I hope that you will feel better. I want to thank you for creating this forum. It is awesome.

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  27. Hope you find peace of mind.
    These attacks should not be taken seriously but it’s amazing how they affect us.
    Take god care.

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  28. Gianna you’re in my thoughts and am sending positive vibes what more can I do, we’re across the pond from each other it’s not as if I can nip round and see you but remember this you must not let anyone grind you down you must stay strong
    talk to you soon with love judith

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  29. I wish you the best Gianna. As for the person who attacked you, like you once told me, you have to be pretty thick skinned to be out here. Don’t sweat it. You have more important things to attend to right now. Be well.

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