I am heartbroken and badass, at once

By Jen Peer Rich

Sometimes I know things that I don’t want to know. Or I may see something that I can’t unsee no matter how bad I want to. And usually it’s not something I know or see strictly in my mind, but something I feel and see within my heart. That makes it harder to put what I am feeling or seeing into coherent thoughts or to find words to describe what I feel. All I have, is a giant hot soup of heavy feelings without any logical flow. When it’s like this, I remember two things:

1. Feelings are always changing. Whatever it is I am feeling right now, it will always change shape into new fresh feelings. And those feelings will change. The changing weather patterns inside my heart never stay the same. 

2. I am living in a culture where people are conditioned from a young age to turn away from heavy feelings. So my capacity to move into heaviness and know what I don’t want to know and see what I don’t want to see, this is a brave and rebellious act.

There is peace in the awareness that no matter how bad I feel, it won’t last forever. And no matter how massively my heart is ripped apart, I am simultaneously brave. I am heartbroken and badass, at once. I’m pretty sure that’s a superpower.

More by Jen Peer Rich on Beyond Meds

More on topic: Healing the body/mind with the willingness to feel

jen peer richJen Peer Rich is a friend in presence. She lives in Atlanta with 5 rescued weenie dogs and is married to her best friend. Presently she’s working towards a graduate degree in Ecopsychology. She has two books about Nonduality available for free download at Friends in Presence or on amazon kindle. You can also find Jen writing and sharing digital art on the Facebook machine, she’s always open to making new friends.

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