I’ve never had a cohesive sense of self. That’s the part that gets labeled “mentally ill.” No socially appropriate ego development. I woke up anyway and I can fake functioning like everyone else when I have to.
Healing this sort of thing involves doing the opposite of what Buddhism and other more esoteric systems teach. It means coming back into the body and integrating the self from no-self. It is not about losing the self because that self never was…in that way we are both ahead of “typicals” and not too… the biggest problem is typicals don’t know how to help and are in fact often dangerous to us…not for me so much anymore, because I’ve figured it out and have learned how to stay away from those who would otherwise continue to harm me, but for so many vulnerable lovely souls who are still subject to the toxic care of psychiatry and western medicine. This still breaks my heart everyday as I continue to learn about my body and thus the body which is humanity, too.
See: Kundalini lowering
Things are always changing when we’re healing which is why I don’t hang out for long in any health oriented groups anymore. I get the info I need and clear out. People get very attached to the stories they tell about being sick. It’s not good for healing…healing is a dynamic state of CHANGE. Dogmatic attachment to anything at all is the antithesis of being in the now…the antithesis of healing.
I found it was important to drop all ideological dogmatic attachment to diet as well as stories about why I was sick and simply respond to the body. Here. Now. Dropping attachment doesn’t mean not utilizing what I’ve learned, it just means not being attached to stagnant or fixated interpretations about what is happening. See: All diets are bullshit
One of my most fundamental practice is NON-Belief. Always remembering that whatever I”m currently using is subject to change and models/systems/religions/myth/metaphor are best utilized while they work and then dropped like a hot potato when no longer useful.
We really know very little. What is true most often depends on context and interpretation. Both of which are always changing and differ from person to person. What is right for me may not be right for you. What is right for me today may not be what I need tomorrow.
Practicing non-attachment to belief and also being aware of when perhaps I’m not able to do this has opened up my world in lovely ways. Fixation is stagnation. Dogma is a fixation of belief.
Healing and resiliency, I’ve found, require a lack of fixation…a sort of fluidity of spirit and intention. It is from this place that much of my healing comes.
By not attaching to belief we can also reframe our experience and thus the narratives of our lives. This is powerful medicine really.
In Taoism there’s a famous saying that goes, “The Tao that can be spoken is not the ultimate Tao.” Another way you could say that, although I’ve never seen it translated this way, is, “As soon as you begin to believe in something, then you can no longer see anything else.” The truth you believe in and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.
Holding on to beliefs limits our experience of life. That doesn’t mean that beliefs or ideas or thinking is a problem; the stubborn attitude of having to have things be a particular way, grasping on to our beliefs and thoughts, all these cause the problems. To put it simply, using your belief system this way creates a situation in which you choose to be blind instead of being able to see, to be deaf instead of being able to hear, to be dead rather than alive, asleep rather than awake. – by Pema Chödrön — FromAwakening Loving-Kindness
AND yes, I could use some compensation for the many 100s of hours I’ve worked with folks over the years. Working like we do and not getting any sort of compensation that I might live more comfortably in the face of continued challenges continues to teach us what we’ve learned from psychiatry. We must not be worth it. Let’s change that patterning. If I helped you or a loved one out, please help me back now. thank you.
****We could use some financial support at the moment! You know, for things like the mortgage so that we can maintain a roof over our heads. Yup. I do this all for no other compensation that what the readers want to offer in support. Thank you!****
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