Part of the success of this website has been my willingness (and need) to speak things that many of my readers were thinking but not yet saying. As I’ve gotten deeper into my trauma release and healing I’ve backed away from this site in many regards and ventured into dark areas of the psyche which even many people who had followed me for a long time no longer wanted to partake in. I’ve continued to post difficult material much of which continues to be trauma release, both for myself and for those who also, like me have wandered far into the abyss, by necessity, for their healing.
Most of the people I’ve had the privilege of helping on this site have a radically different history than I’ve had. This is rarely acknowledged or understood. Most of the people with histories like mine are totally and completely swallowed by psychiatry and lost forever. I don’t actually know anyone like me who has made it as far as I have off the drugs etc. It’s a tragedy that hurts me. And so…this site, in part, is trauma release in the internet age. I never found a human being (therapist or otherwise) who could hold all the stuff I needed to say and so the whole world became my container.
I owe an endless debt of gratitude to the many people who continue to read, hear and hold me whether or not their history is like mine, they somehow see me, feel me, touch me. There may not be many of you (as compared to when I was a celebrity blogger) but even when you don’t say anything I FEEL you. Thank you, Thank you. Below are some raw trauma utterances first posted on Twitter. Some of it has been edited for clarity but it’s mostly in the raw. First draft. It will not be everyone’s cup of tea and there is a fair amount of obscenities so if that bothers you please do not continue.:
Don’t worry, this — the tweets many cannot handle–are trauma release. I never found a human being that could hold all this shit. But there are many out there listening to me who can. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am alive because of you. Thank you.
there is a huge society wide hypocrisy…we’re told to get help for “mental health”. To talk about what happened to us. To not go off and suicide without seeking help. Thing is if we dare to be honest about the dark stuff NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT…nor do they want to help. Truly. (y’all here on the site know what I’m talking about…this is often when the drugging to silence us begins)
Until we learn to spin things positive we’re screwed. I mean it. This is true. We must learn to spin things positively to function in the world of human beings with any degree of success. We still need to do the trauma release anyway…which is why you see both the brilliantly positive and the dark negative in my timeline.
Figure this out or move into spiritual bypass. THE DARK MUST BE LOOKED at.
Once we’ve really deep dived into the dark. Once we’ve done that we are a millennia ahead of everyone else. So if that’s where we find ourselves – forlorn in the dark – we just do the work and then we come out ahead! Take cheer and do the work, then.
We are, in large part, an expression of the ecosystem of our bodies which include bacteria, virus and other microorganisms. It’s impossible to know ourselves without their influence.
Along with trauma release and, well, everything in our lives (remember Everything Matters), wellbeing is really about bringing microorganisms into balance since most of them cannot be gotten rid of entirely in any case.
In many instances we don’t want to get rid of them as they are critical to good function. We are all made up of these things in different ratios by design, really. Getting healthy is getting them into manageable healthy ratios…or also about cutting off supply to those we’d rather not have. I call it internal ecosystem management when it’s done consciously.
So, my healing has been a shedding of an internal biofilm that’s been there for decades and is slowly losing it’s hold after years of intensive detox and mindful eating. Trauma release could not have happened without it. They go together in tandem. I’ve not read anything that speaks directly to my experience but I’ve been helped by both Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda.
I’ve also been helped by the Lyme community and detox culture (for better and worse, let me tell you…) It’s a jungle out there! I had to patch-work together healing because my injury was unprecedented in terms of anyone having ever come back from such.
People like me die zombies on large cocktails of psych drugs. They do not recover and they do not get off the drugs. It’s a heinous reality and I’ve been bucking the outcome.Fuck everyone who is involved in harming us. Seriously. FUCK YOU. You are killing us with smiles on your faces
You are killing us with society wide support as well. You know those poor mentally ill people??? What else can we do but drug them into zombie hood. Once they’re zombies we don’t have to listen or notice them anymore. We don’t have to see how close to the truth they are by nature
We are most often homeless, drug addicted, incarcerated, institutionalized and chemically castrated. Once the chemical castration takes deep hold we rarely come back.
Please don’t let us die. We need you to see us. We need you to trust us. We love you. Remember we are family. Stop drugging us into silence.
As a social worker I worked with those like me “the seriously mentally ill” on the streets of San Francisco for 15 years before I decided to come off the pharmaceuticals so that I wouldn’t end up like my clients. DEAD by neurotoxic pharmaceutical poisoning.
Open your eyes if you give a shit. Please open your eyes. We need you. We need you. We need you.
when I really speak my truth twitter goes silent. I guess it doesn’t bother me like it used to…I will continue learning how to speak this in a way that “normies” can hear. We need you to survive. I’m only alive because my partner sees me. I would be dead 100x over if he hadn’t
this is trauma release – almost done – my next life will be comedy as I make you laugh and think about this shit at the same time. presently y’all can’t deal w the darkness that goes on right under your noses. I’ll make it funny so you can, after laughing, think “Oh my fucking GOD”
Once we’ve really deep dived into the dark. I mean really spent time in the abyss and transmuted what we find there…after that work is done we are a millennia ahead of everyone else. So if that’s where we find ourselves we just do the work and then we come out ahead.
Come out of the dark with a smile and we are WAY ahead. I challenge you to find your glee in the dark.
We don’t need lightworkers we need shadow workers — we need people with courage and skill to move right into the darkness & assist. “Lightworkers” talk a pretty game and also talk about avoiding negativity. If we want to heal our species we need to be fit to feel everything & avoid nothing.
That which we avoid is right inside of us hiding — waiting. Let us make it conscious. When we know our own darkness the darkness “outside” can be neutralized. That is Shadow work.
Self-protection is also necessary. That’s okay. One can still work towards being able to be with and transmute all the ugly in every encounter that we might not need to avoid anything at all. Let it take all the time it needs. We must take care of ourselves.
The more we avoid the dark and ugly the worse it gets…we really do need to be able to look into shadow. Our darkness and the darkness of others too -it’s the same thing…
It’s possible to face the dark, in ourselves and others, and be at peace both. When we deny the reality of shadow aspects we inadvertently feed it. I challenge all of us to not only look at the darkness but to love it with all our hearts.
The dark wants more than anything to be LIT. Let us light up the world.
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