Last year my life was altered in drastic ways. Certainly, all our lives were, given the changes we've all had to make due to the pandemic. For me things got even crazier. Just as we were given "stay at home" orders I had to leave my house. I developed a severe mold allergy, and certainly, the mold was a large part of why I've not gotten healthier faster. I also have other complicated micro-biome (infection) issues secondary to the brain injury that continue to challenge me in ways that are hard to talk about. In any case I had to leave my home as "stay at home" orders were issued. I started by living in the backyard for 6 months and then when that became impossible I simply had to leave. I started driving cross country. I hoped to get back to California after 17 years, if only for a visit. I have been dealing with drug injury and complications from that drug injury for that long! .....
we are being called to radical alchemy. the marriage of opposites… –new post at All Signal https://monicacassani.com/2021/09/30/radical-alchemy/
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I learned “auto-immune” meant my system was in over-drive all the time because it was fighting real infections. Western medicine says that auto-immune means the body is hurting itself. For me this was untrue. My body was fighting and waiting for me to start cooperating.
Infections that are locked up in biofilm don’t show up on labs. It does not make them any less real. They become much more dangerous because the medical system denies their existence and tells many people with “unexplained” chronic issues that they are delusional. Shameful.
Biofilm encased infections can vary from completely harmless/contained to raging insanity. Pharma in my instance (and the ensuing withdrawal illness) created outrageous opportunistic infections. Stuff in biofilm is, in general, anti-biotic resistant hence chronicity of all sorts can develop.
I’ve never regretted giving up on getting diagnosed. What I’ve learned as an undiagnosed chronically ill person (auto-immune & “lyme disease”…
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What are people still reading now that I'm not publishing much anymore? Well, quite a lot really. I'm glad to know this site remains a resource. Below are the top ten posts of the year. There is only one new post and that wasn't written by the main author of this site. The posts that... Continue Reading →
More of my latest meanderings: Egalitarian "hetero" relationships don't need to look like God/Goddess (or anima/animus) relationships. They're not distinctively nor necessarily male and female. Both partners may embody both male and female. A man may be more archetypically female . A woman might be more male. Hetero-normative crap is crap. I see women and... Continue Reading →
Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes. - Walt Whitman I needed to share Walt as I write from several different physiologies, thus perhaps appear inconsistent. It is my reality, however -- as my physiology switches so does my reality. *** I may be awake, I... Continue Reading →
Trust your exhaustion. Take a rest. A nap. STOP. It's okay. It's good to listen to the body. *** Both silence and stillness can be found in all movement and noise as well... silence and stillness are foundational...we need not stop doing anything nor do anything in particular to find them. *** I've been spending... Continue Reading →
Part of the success of this website has been my willingness (and need) to speak things that many of my readers were thinking but not yet saying. As I've gotten deeper into my trauma release and healing I've backed away from this site in many regards and ventured into dark areas of the psyche which even many people who had followed me for a long time no longer wanted to partake in. I've continued to post difficult material much of which continues to be trauma release, both for myself and for those who also, like me have wandered far into the abyss, by necessity, for their healing. Most of the people I've had the privilege of helping on this site have a radically different history than I've had. This is rarely acknowledged or understood. Most of the people with histories like mine are totally and completely swallowed by psychiatry and lost forever. I don't actually know anyone like me who has made it as far as I have off the drugs etc. It's a tragedy that hurts me. And so...this site, in part, is trauma release in the internet age.
I lay awake at 2:20 am this morning after going to bed at 8 pm. I was feeling a bit forlorn and I've had a really rough, homeless several months. Things are calming down now and I have a place to live for now but the chaos lingers in my body as it continues to... Continue Reading →