my natural authentic self makes most people uncomfortable… I actually once believed that waking up, being aware and being oneself openly and honestly would create a person that everyone could not help but adore…. oh well, don't believe the hype. Just being yourself in a world that tries to control your every move is not straightforward or easy.
This was first posted at All Signal, the site I hope to transition to. In the meantime if something also pertains to this site I am cross posting. This post has been edited and updated for Beyond Meds. As I continue dealing with the biofilm of multiple systemic infections, metals continue to be part of the picture. Nickel, is a heavy metal that remains largely neglected and can be incorporated into biofilm.
This is how to use the site Many people still ask me for my “protocols.” The message I communicate for healing is that we are all different and our paths are also, therefore, going to be endlessly diverse. I share my experience, not so that it may be copied, but so that the reader can get a sense of process.
The more severe the trauma is the less the pop-culture trauma fad is resonant or safe. Be careful out there. A lot of so-called trauma therapists are grossly undertrained and frankly dangerous for the most sensitive and highly traumatized. (update 2026: This has become more of an issue as more and more of the helping professions jump on the trauma informed bandwagon. Unfortunately few people in these positions have truly done their own work. For the most vulnerable and traumatized, it's really a mine field out there)
The dark wants more than anything to be LIT. Let us light up the world. ...
update 2026: I grew up in a time when people with what would now be labeled "high functioning" autism were completely ignored. I was a very good student. Good students who had what might now be labeled autism got put into "gifted" classes and were largely left alone in the agonies they faced. I learned expert masking techniques and knew how to stay out of trouble by pleasing the adults around me. Fawning is what it's called in trauma circles. I might be glad about that now. I really don't want a label. Autism seems to work for lots of sensitives but I still feel like it's a one way ticket into psychiatric care and thus, I will stay out here watching the chaos label free as long as possible. This post discusses a very important issue that is simply not widely understood by pretty much anyone in mental health circles...critical or otherwise. I look to these injuries from many different frames and windows...this one comes up again and again for me whenever I encounter autistic folks. I found this article at Mad in America quite fascinating and on point. I hadn't heard the term pseudo-autism but it's exactly my experience too...
What happened to my brain and nervous system as a result of long-time psych drug use was that it's capacity to feel shrunk --literally. I'm now growing new capacities...encouraging new neuropathways and pruning less than ideal ones. I can feel this happening. Really. Anyone can do this given the right circumstances...support and resources are needed. This is why I do the work I do. We are hurting people with neurotoxic drugs that impede growth and healing. At best all they do is suppress and control. ...
Update 2026: the health of the gut and microbiome has only become more central to all I've learned as time passes. The microbiome is foundational to all health and well-being and thus to all dis-ease and illness. It is what we are made of and it's critically important. I'm going to start this post with my final comment from the dialogue at Mad in America because I want to underscore that healing my gut has led me to understand this: "I take the (unfortunately) radical perspective that as human animals we have the capacity to know all manner of things by instinct. It is in our DNA and manifests via intuition. This is not magic. It is not a super-power. We are "psychic" by nature. It is our human inheritance. We have forgotten how to access our very nature. That is all. And as complicated as we might like to make the conundrum we are faced with right now, it's also pretty simple. We need only pay attention."
I first read the book with this title (by Cheri Huber) many years ago now. I am now only scratching the surface of coming to understand just how much is RIGHT with me...right with all of us, should we only remember...should we only come to know what our human inheritance allows. I share this with love today.
The cycle breaker, the black sheep, the “mentally ill” and the unstable, the creative, the artist, and the mystic. The throw-aways and the odd balls in society have this calling. These days only some of us make it. The chronically ill, those who find themselves without homes, the imprisoned, those who use lots of substances to cope etc are all called to this path. The medicine people of our time need societies support. The fringe is where wisdom is formed.
The vagus nerve literally activates the parasympathetic nervous system – the mechanism that controls involuntary actions and affects mood. Doctors sometimes implant vagus nerve stimulators into patients with treatment-resistant depression, but a Yoga practice can produce some of the same effects.. …
By Rick Belden -- When it is possible at all, forgiving is an ongoing, sacred process. Expectations of forgiveness are unreasonable when harm is ongoing I think one of the worst double binds that abuse and trauma survivors face is the expectation that they should forgive someone, often a family member, who continues to treat them badly. Often the nature of the maltreatment has changed from childhood to adulthood. For example, someone who was physically abused as a child by a parent may instead be subjected to what often seem to be regarded as more civilized and acceptable forms of psychologically abusive behavior as an adult. But the original underlying pattern of disrespectful, abusive behavior has never stopped. It is still ongoing.
2026 update: This was written very early on after I'd left the field but not before I realized I would and could never return. I have continued having the same experience. People with psych histories are not taken seriously...pretty much anywhere. In this post I'm still considering re-entering the professional world. It later became clear to me that I would never be able to partake in the system again. The abuses and the denial by far too many professionals became glaring and I can't imagine going back anymore.
Shadow world -- new post https://monicacassani.com/2026/07/11/shadow-world/
So here is an interesting tidbit. I have multiple systemic infections (I got a Lyme diagnosis…) … weird thing is that the person I get on with the best has HIV. He found my published work on Lyme and Tardyve dyskinesia and contacted me because it was so resonant for him. He is a 25 year old man . Multiple systemic infections are what is happening to a lot of people. Only some of us get diagnosed but they can be as diverse as “HIV” and “Lyme.” Chronic Illness, Lyme, HIV -- endless manifestations: diagnosis not so important The real issue is that chronic illness, in general, is slowly killing millions but only some of us get diagnosed and treatment is pretty much shit when it’s complex and includes neuro issues. The diagnosis are pretty meaningless, as all those impacted have unique manifestations. It seems clearer and clearer that we’re dealing with systemic infections pretty much across the board with chronic illnesses of all kinds.
This is a listing of many of the posts that have aphorisms and slightly longer meanderings. Many of them were first conceived in conversations on the then Twitter platform. It is not exhaustive. With close to 6000 posts it's hard to organize the work.
“To be Christ oneself is the true following of Christ.” -- Carl G. Jung, The Red Book: Liber Novus Ha! I have the Red Book but I haven't read it word for word and I was not aware of this statement. For some years now I've been saying "we are the second coming of Christ".
I've been asking the question for many years: Who am I? Who am I without my work? Without my family? Without my sexuality? Without my home? Who am I without my country? Without the ground beneath my feet? Who am I without these varieties of identity that obscure the view? Identity obscures the view.
From my notes: Transformative Deconditioning - musings for the apocalypse Detox isn’t just about the psych drugs (or environmental toxins etc etc) it’s from our entire system and culture…it’s a long process…most people don’t really understand how deeply holistic and systemic the need for detoxification (de-conditioning) is… psych drugs for some of us are the straw that breaks the camels back… we have layers and layers to free ourselves from..drug freedom is just one piece of it and may come at anytime. We can do the work on or off these substances…
A collection of thoughts, aphorisms and brief prose filled with the reflections of a healing woman.
I did just about every elimination diet out there (over a period of 15 years). These thoughts come mostly from a few years ago as I started to eat more of everything again…I am still learning to eat well for this moment now. Food, diet and mindfulness all go together in my world. This is... Continue Reading →
When people are incapable of understanding nuance (grey areas, paradox, nonduality, whatever you want to call it) they are generally incapable of communicating on difficult topics. Generally anyone attached dogmatically to any particular belief have trouble opening to conflicting or even complimentary information. When one comes up against dogma in another it seems best to go silent and start listening carefully. Sometimes there is a way to re-engage and other times the best one can do is allow the moment while opening the heart as wide as possible. When one cannot be understood, when communication isn’t possible, argument is not helpful. ...
