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by Will Hall, Monica Cassani, and Dina Tyler In the world of innovations in how we treat survivors of psychiatric crisis, Live and Learn Inc and Open Excellence/Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health Care do valuable work. Live And Learn is a research company owned by Laysha Ostrow that collects and analyzes data on the viability of alternative mental health treatments, and Open Excellence/FEMHC is a philanthropy started by patients' family members that channels funding into promising projects. They're colleagues with us in the broader "critical psychiatry" movement ((Will was one of the original founding board members of Open Excellence/FEMHC) and we've all known each other for many years. At the same time, after collaborating with Live and Learn and Open Excellence/FEMHC on a past project, we are left very concerned by apparent ethical irregularities, including possibly crossing the line into research misconduct and plagiarism.
I learned “auto-immune” meant my system was in over-drive all the time because it was fighting real infections. Western medicine says that auto-immune means the body is hurting itself. For me this was untrue. My body was fighting and waiting for me to start cooperating.
Infections that are locked up in biofilm don’t show up on labs. It does not make them any less real. They become much more dangerous because the medical system denies their existence and tells many people with “unexplained” chronic issues that they are delusional. Shameful.
Biofilm encased infections can vary from completely harmless/contained to raging insanity. Pharma in my instance (and the ensuing withdrawal illness) created outrageous opportunistic infections. Stuff in biofilm is, in general, anti-biotic resistant hence chronicity of all sorts can develop.
I’ve never regretted giving up on getting diagnosed. What I’ve learned as an undiagnosed chronically ill person (auto-immune & “lyme disease”…
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did you know that daffodils are narcissus flowers?
Narcissism is a coping strategy for when one has been wounded in profound ways. Anyone who makes it in this world has to find some sort of narcissism in order to heal. What gets called malignant narcissism is only one manifestation. Survival demands narcissism. ...
I can’t not be me now, all of me. It’s all out there, no mask, no pretence, no condition shoulds or ways of being other than this. There is only so much space and time available to put myself into a straight jacket of someone else’s making. And so that requires of them the letting go of expectations and projections. It requires of them to relate with me in the now, in the present moment, in the rawness of life, in the truth of life. It requires of them to let go of any ideas of me and be with the reality of me. Anything else and it falls apart, anything else and it’s untruth burns brightly. Anything else and it gets shown for what it is... the conditioning of shoulds. I ask for authentic relating but I give it too, not as a virtue signal, a choice or a practice, but because life gives no other option, even when honestly I'd love an option to turn it off, turn it down!
If you're dealing with the trauma in your life and you're denying racism you're not really dealing with trauma. Trauma is inter-generational among other things. What white people did to black people in enslaving, murdering and raping them is still in the bodies of every ancestor.
That means the trauma of what we did to an entire population in this country is in the body if you're black and it's in the body if we're descended from the white people who raped, murdered and enslaved the black folk who are still being harmed.
As white witnesses of white supremacist public policies it's in every white person who has privilege. Yes, it's in my body too. Own this shit and allow our beautiful black brothers and sisters to heal. Acknowledge that it's still happening and get started. #BlackLivesMatter
I was on elimination diets for a long time and needed to be in order to quiet down the chaos in my body. I now know more than when I started and hope that the general method of learning to listen is helpful to others since I know the details will be different for everyone. Recently I went through a stint of eating lots of gluten and cheese as I add many different foods I avoided for many years back into my diet. I jokingly call it "retoxification." ...
Learning about how to listen to the body takes time. Small things we can start paying attention to help. *** It's best when we can taste our medicine which is one fundamentally critical difference from pharma. Herbs and food have taste that prepare the body for what is coming. And as we pay attention over... Continue Reading →
There is a freedom, vast and beautiful, when one comes to know how insignificant ones importance in the world is. This while also deeply appreciating the great value that we all hold as well. *** If your heart is not open to yourself then your heart is not open. *** When we are resonant with... Continue Reading →
That's right the line between psychosis and spiritual emergence does not exist. There is no line, there is only spectrum of manifestation and none of it is better or worse. It simply is what is arising in that individual at the moment they are met and unfortunately diagnosed. It can change any time too. These mental/spiritual states are not stagnant and often times they're even responses to the ineptness of the so-called professional experts we find ourselves with. ...
What media hype and those selling mindfulness don’t tell you is that mindfulness is a process that can radically transform you, and it’s not always safe, nor is it easy or straightforward. We make it safer by being aware of the risks and learning to listen to our own bodies about when it is or isn’t okay for us. No one else actually knows.
What are people still reading now that I'm not publishing much anymore? Well, quite a lot really. I'm glad to know this site remains a resource. Below are the top ten posts of the year. There is only one new post and that wasn't written by the main author of this site. The posts that... Continue Reading →
More of my latest meanderings: Egalitarian "hetero" relationships don't need to look like God/Goddess (or anima/animus) relationships. They're not distinctively nor necessarily male and female. Both partners may embody both male and female. A man may be more archetypically female . A woman might be more male. Hetero-normative crap is crap. I see women and... Continue Reading →
Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes. - Walt Whitman I needed to share Walt as I write from several different physiologies, thus perhaps appear inconsistent. It is my reality, however -- as my physiology switches so does my reality. *** I may be awake, I... Continue Reading →
Trust your exhaustion. Take a rest. A nap. STOP. It's okay. It's good to listen to the body. *** Both silence and stillness can be found in all movement and noise as well... silence and stillness are foundational...we need not stop doing anything nor do anything in particular to find them. *** I've been spending... Continue Reading →
By Will Hall and Kate Hill March 16, 2021 We are writing to formally and publicly declare the withdrawal of our support for John Herold as a facilitator, trainer, speaker or leader of any kind in the Hearing Voices Movement. We request that John step down from this role, including his involvement in Puget Sound Hearing Voices and Pacific Rim Hearing Voices, for the safety of the network, of his groups and of the individuals involved. We also ask the Hearing Voices Movement, Hearing Voices Network USA, INTERVOICE, and all organizations and groups to end any listings and referrals and end any financial, logistical, promotional, or other support for Herold in these roles.
Part of the success of this website has been my willingness (and need) to speak things that many of my readers were thinking but not yet saying. As I've gotten deeper into my trauma release and healing I've backed away from this site in many regards and ventured into dark areas of the psyche which even many people who had followed me for a long time no longer wanted to partake in. I've continued to post difficult material much of which continues to be trauma release, both for myself and for those who also, like me have wandered far into the abyss, by necessity, for their healing. Most of the people I've had the privilege of helping on this site have a radically different history than I've had. This is rarely acknowledged or understood. Most of the people with histories like mine are totally and completely swallowed by psychiatry and lost forever. I don't actually know anyone like me who has made it as far as I have off the drugs etc. It's a tragedy that hurts me. And so...this site, in part, is trauma release in the internet age.
I lay awake at 2:20 am this morning after going to bed at 8 pm. I was feeling a bit forlorn and I've had a really rough, homeless several months. Things are calming down now and I have a place to live for now but the chaos lingers in my body as it continues to... Continue Reading →