By Elaine Mansfield -- "As soon as you begin to ask the question, Who loves me? You are completely screwed, Because the next question is How Much?" Tony Hoagland -- And after that, Does he love me still? and Does he love me even though he’s dead? And then, When do I stop feeling married to a person who is no longer here? and Why do I feel lonely in a room full of people because he’s not smiling from across the room? … [click on title for the rest of the post]
From a young age we see around us that grief is mostly an affliction, a misery that intrudes into the life we deserve, a rupture of the natural order of things, a trauma that we need coping and management and five stages and twelve steps to get over. Here’s the revolution: What if grief is a skill, in the same way that love is a skill, something that must be learned and cultivated and taught?
I'd like to note that the message in this video can be generalized to all kinds of loss and trauma too. Not just the loss of a loved one. We must feel our emotions!! And embrace all of life! Psychiatry is a whole field of medicine dedicated to the suppression of emotions and the darkness of our psyches. The healing involved in coming out of decades of this suppression is phenomenally difficult and perhaps sometimes impossible. This is why I do the work I do, that people today learn to embrace their lives rather than drug it away. If you block the negative emotions you in turn block all the positive emotions. … [click on title for the rest of the post]
My brother gave me the CD with this song shortly before he died. I can't listen to it without crying, though the sadness is also a good memory now. This song speaks of the loss of a loved one.