I suppose some of you may be wondering what is happening with my brother. I noticed that I last wrote of my grief on June 8th. The heaviness of it has lifted as he continues to crash through the dismal predictions the doctors made. Predictions my sister made as well, being that she is an... Continue Reading →
Brief Update….it’s all I’m up to right now
I haven't heard from my brother. I don't know that he checks his email everyday and I don't want to call him for fear of putting him on the spot. If he feels he needs rejuvenation time, like my sister, before the house is full of people again I want him to feel he can... Continue Reading →
Warning: Lament ahead
I've been hanging low and trying not to think too much about my brother lately. It just brings grief to think. He is stable for the time being, and as he has for the length of his four and a half year illness he continues to fight and beat the odds. The odds are getting... Continue Reading →
Yes, I can still laugh
Oh my, it's been three days since I've been inspired to write anything and I'm getting that "must write something" feeling. I hesitate to continue on with the misery I feel over my dying brother. The seemingly never ending agony of not knowing when--but knowing sometime soon. I've gotten to the point where I just... Continue Reading →
Random musings on this trip to California which has now come to an end
So I've been in California for two weeks and a day now. My brother remains about the same and we are no closer to knowing how and when exactly it will end. I'm going home tomorrow. It's all a shitty game of statistics. I don't know when I'll have to come back--it could be two... Continue Reading →
Back in California
So I've managed to say virtually nothing about the circumstances with my brother for a few days. I'm actually in California now and have been here since Monday the 14th. I saw my brother on Tuesday for the first time. It was literally like a blow to the stomach. I had to work at not... Continue Reading →
Dog is Love
After writing yesterdays post I took my dog for a walk. She is an absolute joy. She is a reminder of the beauty of life. She approaches everything with exuberance and loves us like no creature has ever loved me. At this time of somber searching she hints at the divinity of life for me.... Continue Reading →
Cancer part three
An anonymous reader left a comment yesterday in response to my wondering if I should continue to write about the situation with my brother. I was hesitating to do so, as in some ways I don't see it as within the scope of what I had envisioned for my blog. On the other hand, it... Continue Reading →
Cancer II
At this point it's a creepy waiting out game. My brother made it to CA, barely, just to be admitted into the hospital near my sisters upon getting there. I find I can't go into the finer details of his health on this blog--the slow process of the body putrefying--it feels sacrilegious--or private. Is that... Continue Reading →
No title
I'm pretty flat right now. A lot is going on in my life, and I feel completely uninspired to write. I saw the "new psychiatrist." She was alright. She is recommending a bunch of tests, but I probably won't get around to actually having them done until all is over with my brother. She thought... Continue Reading →
Cancer
There is some hope that this is wrong, but yesterday I was told my brother may only have a few weeks. He can't keep any food down and is repeatedly in the hospital with severe dehydration due to diarrhea. According to my sister, the doctor, this is how it can often end. People repeatedly go... Continue Reading →