Hello, terror, my old friend... I was born into a home filled with terror and grief. Terror and grief, thus, became the most familiar thing in my reality. (this terror and grief was largely unconscious and unspoken, so uncovering it took the willingness to honestly look at what was really there) And to be clear: we are all born into a world filled with terror and grief. ...
By Elaine Mansfield -- "As soon as you begin to ask the question, Who loves me? You are completely screwed, Because the next question is How Much?" Tony Hoagland -- And after that, Does he love me still? and Does he love me even though he’s dead? And then, When do I stop feeling married to a person who is no longer here? and Why do I feel lonely in a room full of people because he’s not smiling from across the room? … [click on title for the rest of the post]
by Robert D. Stolorow The DSM5, the most recent version of psychiatry’s diagnostic bible, makes it possible to classify grieving that endures beyond a rather brief span of time as a mental illness. … [click on title to read and view more]
Grief, like all the other difficult and/or dark emotions often gets pathologized, and it is an important part of life, without which we would not be human. I would also like to suggest an idea for consideration. Much of what is labeled psychiatric disease is grief that has never been expressed or properly felt, or validated.
By Rick Belden
Grief is an inevitable part of every human life, regardless of gender. It is also one of the great isolating forces in the lives of men. Male grief is all too often invisible, misunderstood, and unwanted, which leaves many men in the difficult position of having to deal with their grief on their own, if they deal with it at all. … [click on title to read more]
I like to say that if we are not suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, we are suffering from pre-traumatic stress disorder. There is no way to be alive without being conscious of the potential for disaster. One way or another, death (and its cousins: old age, illness, accidents, separation and loss) hangs over all of us. Nobody is immune. Our world is unstable and unpredictable, and operates, to a great degree and despite incredible scientific advancement, outside our ability to control it. … [click on title for the rest of the post]
Years ago I showed a film to a group of men who were newly bereaved about how Tibetans once – maybe still – cared for their dying and their dead. When the film ended, the long silence was finally broken when one of the men said, “I feel like I come from nowhere.” And that seems to be what happens inside most of us when we see or hear of a people wholly at home where and how and who they are: we feel the shadowed hollow of our immigrant, refugee history, and our lack of ceremonial instinct and experience, or we try to fill it up by stealing something from those people who are miraculously still deeply, ancestrally, ceremonially alive. … [click on title for the rest of the post]
My friend Yan Zhitui of BeingsAkin sent me this poem by Charles Bukowski since I just lost my Jezebel. I, like Charles below, found that my kitty remained in my heart and woke up the day after she died to a sense of peace and joy knowing she was still with me...life unfolds it's mysteries... Continue Reading →
I've been sitting vigil with my dying kitty for about 24 hours now. I have not slept. She has consistently needed tending to as she can no longer stand but clearly indicates a need to move and shift her body that she might be comfortable. This is precious, delicious time. ....
I'd like to note that the message in this video can be generalized to all kinds of loss and trauma too. Not just the loss of a loved one.
We must feel our emotions!! And embrace all of life! Psychiatry is a whole field of medicine dedicated to the suppression of emotions and the darkness of our psyches. The healing involved in coming out of decades of this suppression is phenomenally difficult and perhaps sometimes impossible. This is why I do the work I do, that people today learn to embrace their lives rather than drug it away. If you block the negative emotions you in turn block all the positive emotions. … [click on title for the rest of the post]
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