Brief update

I did not need to take anything to take the edge of my nervous system’s distress last night. If the Lamictal taper continues in this manner and I need to take out “the big gun” only once per taper that will be grand. I don’t see why it should get any worse. I’m proud of myself and my flexibility. While I had a moment of panic last night, I ended up relaxing and going to bed earlier than I had in a long time and falling asleep immediately all without assistance. What is most amazing to me is how incredibly awful the day before was. I don’t think undue masochism is warranted. Like I said “Skillful Means.” I’m okay now and no nearer to Klonopin abuse than before.

I’m imagining readers passing judgment because sometimes people in the withdrawal community really are masochistic. I once suggested someone reinstate a small amount of what they were withdrawing from in an email group and got shock from the person withdrawing and a disapproving silence from everyone else. I’ve now reinstated small amounts (much smaller amounts than what I had tapered total in a short period of time) twice now. It makes sense. There are times when withdrawal suffering crosses over into masochism. Go easy on yourself. And, God knows, I’m not talking no suffering here. Intermittently I suffer horribly and there is no avoiding that. But trust yourself when that suffering crosses a line. I have not once taken a step backwards by doing kind things for myself.

10 thoughts on “Brief update

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  1. Jane,

    I spent some time on your blog –
    Thank you for sharing your journey with the rest of the world – What a journey –

    You are an incredible human being!
    Such an inspiration!


  2. Good on you to take it easy Gianna. I know all too well how easy it is to punish yourself when you try to purify yourself. I think you have the best attitude about and you are going to be just fine. You want to succeed and you it is possible so I feel it is inevitable, just a matter of time.

  3. I’m proud of you, too, and I’m also proud that you’re proud of yourself. Wow, I’m being so chipper I can hardly stand it, but I mean it — I AM proud of you. And you will never have to worry about me passing judgment on you — I’m staying on my drugs for the forseeable future, and I figure anyone who’s coming off them can do so as slowly as necessary.

  4. I have a link to a protocol for removing meds and it definitely says that if a person feels “off” within 3 days of reducing a med, to increase it back up. this makes perfect sense, considering that what we are talking about in essence is drug rehab right? i think most ppl that might be jumping on you to slow it down, do not realize this is about sweating, vomiting, and all of that stuff, just short of calling ourselves junkies, that’s what i feel like when i take a med down or remove one. it’s biting washcloth time. imagine, it’s why they give alcoholics meds when they land in jail and can’t drink. it’s all about addiction, and psych docs and most ppl do not understand that psych meds are addictive to our brains and nervous systems have been thrown off, often permanently. anyway, you know what’s best for you, and whatever it takes to get you to where you want to be is all that matters.

  5. I am trying to understand the logic of people withrawing who refuse to take small amounts of a psych drug that they know would take the edge off. What is the glory in suffering? Does that make the withdrawal experience more valid? More real? Would they be falling off the wagon otherwise? This just seems extreme to me. The only rule, I believe, when withdrawaing from psych drugs is to make it as painless as possible while still continuing to progress. And this will look differently to different people.

    Good for you, Gianna, in treating yourself with kindness and respect.

  6. Dear Sara,
    Your contribution has been a constant source of comfort to me. I do know you “get it.”

    Thank you so much for the above remarks. They touch me deeply. It is recognition such as yours among other things that keep me going. Recognition is an incredible source of validation and at this point I’m not strong enough to do this without it.

    Have a wonderful Holiday.

  7. I sit here reading this blog and become enraged for you that you have to endure this. Honestly I wish someone besides you had to pay for this suffering. At the same time it’s also an amazing expression of the human spirit that you are continuing to move through this process and conquer the challenges every single day. I look to those of you who are going through it and who have gone through it for inspiration and motivation to get through my own grief process and disappointments with emotionally challenged family members. It’s an amazing community here on the internet and I’m glad to be a part of it and contribute to it. It’s been enormously helpful and healing to me. I’m probably one of the few people here who hasn’t been damaged directly myself by psych drugs but I did witness the unspeakable with my daughter so I’m sure I “get it”. I wish healing to all of you and thank you for the amazing education in human resilience that you demonstrate.

  8. Totally. It is true that the line between masochism and the withdrawal process can get blurry. Just committing to doing this is brave in itself – there is no need to torture yourself on top of it. Being easy on yourself is key. There are no rules in this. And there really aren’t any experts as of yet. I imagine intuition is probably the best guide.

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