“Everyone here is a freak, just like me”

Organic trauma therapy: Ecstatic dance as profound mindfulness practice A few months ago someone at the end of one of our dances said, *Everyone here is a freak, just like me.*  The room broke up in laughter because, indeed, we’re all freaks just like him and we get to come together and celebrate that fact in safety. There really are no words to express what happens there on that floor and yet, that is what I’m intending to do here today. Speak what happens on that magical dance floor. I warn you, I will fail. If you really want to know what goes on I highly recommend finding your local Ecstatic Dance scene and experiencing the wonder for yourself. Dance and movement in general has been my most important tools for healing.

The awakened heart is a broken heart

By Martyn Webber -- There's grief in awakening. Grief at the loss of autonomy, grief at the loss of purpose and meaning. Grief at the loss of knowing and certainty, however deluded they were. There's grief over losing one's power, and one's familiar identity. There's so much loss in awakening. When it dawns that there's nothing we can keep, nothing can be retained beyond its prescribed time, and all that we know and love must pass, then a natural grief for all of it can come. And since this knowledge of loss is for all of it, for all time, then that ache of grief is an ever-present refrain, a broken heart, amidst the delight at the miracle and mystery of life. ...

favorite herb books… Stephen Buhner, herbalist extraordinaire

I love these books.  Many of us with long term chronic illness will find that we have chronic infections of various kinds as well. Lyme disease is really just a somewhat more recognized cause of micro-organism chaos. Most chronic illness has some of this going on. (Update: 2026 - I've come to think of Lyme dx as a distraction. It's just one of many possible systemic infections and just like in psychiatry what is really happening in our bodies and minds is not dealt with in the current medical system.

Nature speaks to us

Nature speaks to us -- July 2024 update: I happened to post the below words on social media today and then I came upon this post as I was looking to do updates today :I find that the environment (life force) will meet me with info I need and support with synchronicities etc. It doesn't always mean what I might first think, however, so it's good to be slow and mindful and let myself get a full body (somatic) response before making decisions. ...

Skepticism is a healthy process that aids discernment…

Let's not demonize the skeptic! While anything can be taken too far, skepticism is a must for healthy individuals in our dog-eat-dog world. I made this rather sarcastic observation recently: " I don't know what to do with myself. I guess I'll be a life coach." Nothing like somebody who couldn't figure out what  to do with themselves coaching others on how to deal with not knowing what to do with themself. The guru is within. Look no further.

healing is a dynamic state of CHANGE

I've never had a cohesive sense of self. That's the part that gets labeled "mentally ill." No socially appropriate ego development. I became aware anyway and I can fake functioning like everyone else when I have to. Healing this sort of thing involves doing the opposite of what Buddhism and other more esoteric systems teach. It means coming back into the body and integrating the self from no-self.   It is not about losing the self because that self never was...in that way we are both ahead of "typicals" and not too... the biggest problem is typicals don't know how  to help and are in fact often dangerous to us... This still breaks my heart everyday as I continue to learn about my body and thus from this little window the body which is humanity, too. *** Things are always changing when we're healing...CHANGE. Dogmatic attachment to anything at all is the antithesis of being in the now...the antithesis of healing.

Being true to our experience

Wallowing, whatever that is, might not be a good thing. I do know that knowing and allowing traumatized parts of the psyche to be expressed is important. What people have trouble with is finding a graceful way (and a safe place) to do that. It's a legitimate issue because there are few supportive environments to do the work needed.

A story of the body and another about the inner ass

This isn't a story in the usual sense. this is about what is happening in my body and how it affects everything else.  It is what is happening. ...

Roots

If it so happens that you are already in the dark, then all the more reason to see what can be valued while you are there. The human experience is the WHOLE SHEBANG. And we've all heard "if you're going through hell keep going. Churchill" ... it will come to an end. ...

Kundalini Rooting

Kundalini rising? Some of us open up to the all well before our bodies are fit to hold it. We need to, instead work on becoming grounded. Perhaps we can call it Kundalini Rooting.

integrating the ugly

integrating the ugly. -- If you want to beat yourself up when you "slip into old habits" go for it, but I suggest you learn to be kind to yourself instead. When you find that you can do that ~~ go for deeply mindful instead of beating yourself up...see what the parts of you that wanted that food, drug, behavior or whatever really want. Sink into the emotional aspects of eating, drinking or "behaving" in less than ideal ways. It's possible to heal young injured parts that way. ...

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