I’ve lost twenty pounds now but I don’t feel good about it. I’ve lost my appetite almost completely and that is not a good thing.
My favorite activity in life has been cooking. Strangely enough, mostly through habit, I continue to cook when I am strong enough to stand through the process. The other reason is because if I don’t have very good, tasty food to eat, I can’t get anything down. I miss enjoying food. It’s really quite painful. I do want food and feel hungry from time to time but it makes me sick after a very small meal which makes me wary of feeling hungry.
On another note I had a strange little thing happen yesterday. I went out to breakfast (at 2:30 pm) and was dressed down, pretty much. I also had a funky hat on to hide my unwashed hair and I was wearing my beloved dead brother’s very over-sized sweater and black sweat pants and no make-up…I thought I looked pretty shitty.
The strange thing is I was laid out on a couch in the cafe because I didn’t have the energy to sit in a chair—can’t imagine that was terribly attractive either. I don’t know how I could have looked good to anyone. But something happened that I can’t remember happening in years—some fairly decent and somewhat cool looking guy totally checked me out and put lots of effort into making eye contact and acknowledging me!
It gave me a good laugh anyway!
Just when I was feeling as about as unattractive as I could be!! I boil it down to “it takes all kinds.”