Taking a break

My life has been difficult lately. It’s clear now that my problem has always been hormonal. This month I’ve already ovulated again. It seems like it’s only been a few days. (I ovulated 3 days early to make matters worse and I had hormonal problems three days into my period–that means I had about 8 days of no symptoms–Jesus–that’s just not right!)

I’ve put off tapering. I don’t know when I’ll be able to start again. I’m feeling at a loss.

One of the women I consult with on a withdrawal board who is an expert in nutrition and natural medicine has offered to read a hormone panel for me. Since my holistic psychiatrist failed me miserably on the hormonal front, I’m going to try this–but first I need to get my GP to order the lab work. I’m hoping this will save me a trip to the Mayo Clinic which is out of state.

I feel like my life is on hold and this is why I’m not writing often. I don’t feel like being exhibitionistic about the misery in my life, so just know I’m struggling. Right now–the truth is I may be being paranoid about my PMS this month. Last month was the worst I can remember. It was traumatic, but that doesn’t mean it will be like that again this month. So if I get through this month more easily perhaps a burden will lift and I’ll go back to my much more optimistic self. I did have a few good days there–it’s just I ovulated early and that pisses me off and demoralizes me.

I’ll be in touch. Sorry about the state of this blog. I hope I’ll be back to writing passionate original pieces again soon.

10 thoughts on “Taking a break

  1. Hi Gianna,

    I really like your blog. Sorry you are having a difficult time. I don’t know what the answer is….but I wouldn’t add any more meds to try to cure PMS.
    I don’t know what would help PMS…and PMS doesn’t make any sense to me…Why would God make that part of a woman’s life so miserable….isn’t that what women are suppose to do…ovulate.
    I think some day there will be more research and someone will find out what is the cause of the terrible symptoms.

    Eat as organic as you can afford and as vegetarian as you can tolerate. (They put hormones in meat.)


  2. Hey there,
    I just wanted to tell you that for other Women with Hormone issues, it’s good for us to get to read how you get through your situations.
    I felt the same way in one of my last posts, like negativity was flowing thru my blood, one of those…poor me stages. The truth is, it does suck and you do feel like, WHAT THE HELL! This is ridiculous, at least give me my good 2 wks.

    In my heart of hearts I believe that is one of the hardest things about PMDD or any hormonal issues, you can have a great month or a few good months and feel like you are moving forward, things are working and then BAM! you haven’t changed anything, but it is the month from Hell.

    We are here for you and feel free to post, we all understand and if you only wrote about the great times noone would learn the ‘real’ dealings of your experience/accomplishments, if that makes sense.

    Like you said, the good part is, it doesn’t mean next month will be crappy, this past month for me sucked too…maybe it was in the stars because before that it was fine.

    Keep truckin’ along 🙂


  3. I’m sorry to hear you are going through the mill, Gianna, but like Keener, I love your blog and it inspired me to write mine. I often feel your experiences uncannily echo mine, and as we speak I am off to the doc’s to ask for a blood test to establish my hormone levels. I am getting a lot of hot flashes, insomnia and sweating and my periods are very irregular, and I think at least some of it (fatigue too perhaps) may be down to the approaching menopause. I am starting to consider asking for some form of HRT. Anyway I hope you will still write and keep us updated when you can. Hormonally yours, Zoe.


  4. Hey Gianna

    Really sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. Fair play to you for deciding to press pause on the tapering. I imagine that was a tough decision to take… I echo what others have said – there’s no rush etc..

    I think that you put your writing/blog down a lot, so I also just wanted to say I think you are completely wrong! – I really like it – I don’t think its a ‘state’ at the moment- you also offer us some interesting articles to peruse too!!!

    Anyways, take care and I hope you are getting to spend time in your garden.

    best wishes keener


  5. ama,
    I know you’re from another country–I thought it was France. Is it Italy–or do you just speak several languages? I speak Italian–did you know that? Anyway it was fun to see your signature.

    and also, dear ama, do you know that your chronic fatigue may be caused entirely by the benzos? That is a really common long term side effect and I know that that is the biggest reason for my own chronic fatigue.

    Also, I don’t think of your blog as exhibitionistic at all. It’s beautiful. I just don’t think I could talk about my pain with such grace.


  6. oh, i wanted to add: i stopped my taper when i had my massive panic attack in december and i don’t feel anywhere near ready to resume it. if i keep taking 6 stupid mg of xanax for the rest of my life i’m just fine with it. if it takes me another 10 years to get rid of them, i’m fine with it too. who cares? they are all self-imposed goals anyway. no one else is counting.


  7. so sorry you have to experience this misery. pms is not a big deal for me, but i must say that for years i had exactly what you had — my period would be over and then i’d start ovulating almost immediately and then i’d start pmsing almost immediately and it was always go go go with pms symptoms ’round the biological clock.

    as i said, they weren’t too bad, so it was just really annoying for me — mostly the really tender breasts. the reason why i’m telling you this is that at some point it stopped. i wish i had the self-knowledge to pinpoint what made it stop, but i don’t. on second thought, it’s been like this on and off all of my life, except for a few years a couple of years ago it was all the time instead of being a several months.

    please be hopeful that it may stop for you too. in the meantime, keep your spirits up as much as you can, gianna!

    i am not sure why you think you cannot use your blog to talk about pain. i do it with mine, but of course that’s a personal choice. me, i don’t find exhibitionistic… certainly, that’s not the spirit with which i write my most painful posts. it seems to me that pain has as legitimate a place in our lives as happiness, so it’s not like when it’s there one should do nothing except wait for it to away, right?

    anyway, whatever you decide, good luck to you, and yes, we know you’re struggling, and keep our hearts in sinc with you in this difficult time.

    auguri e coraggio!


  8. Hi hymes,
    I answered you in email, but for the sake of others out there wondering the same–Birth control pills often create psych problems and people even get psych diagnosis as a result of side effects to Birth control pills. I took them years ago and they make me feel like I had PMS all month long!!

    Have talked to many, many women for whom this is true. thanks for trying to brainstorm for me anyway.


  9. No worries, take care of yourself. Is there a reason you have to keep ovulating? Are you trying to get pregnant? If not, why not take one of the new pills that gets rid of periods for months? If your doctor thinks they are safe for you of course. I’m in kidney-pause as I call it so it’s easy for me to offer advice of course having none of the worries….


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