Well this constant talk of my withdrawals might be getting old, but it’s really central to my existence right now. I’m down to 3/16th of a mg of Risperdal. Tonight I will be on 1/8th of a mg. I guess that means I will be off of it in three days cutting it down my 1/16 of a mg a day. WOW! This will be amazing. I started Risperdal in 1992 or 1993. Before that I was on Thorazine since sometime in the 80’s. I will be neuroleptic free for the fist time in almost 20 years. It’s mind boggling and the fact that it’s looking like I’m actually going to get there without losing it really makes me want to sue my doctor! 11 mg of Risperdal down to nothing—what the heck? And it’s been a hell of a time getting off it and apparently I don’t need it!! What a crock.
I’ve cut down faster than I was going to. The fallout has been sleeping every other night. One night I sleep only 2 – 3 hours, but the next night in my exhaustion I sleep 9 or 10. I panic each time I only get a couple of hours as I’m afraid that it will become a pattern and I could have a “relapse.” Though it’s clear now that any “relapse” would only be a symptom of withdrawal. I guess I would just up my dose and wait a bit. So I shouldn’t worry.
John Breeding in a piece I post of his says fear is one of the major things one must deal with preferably before withdrawal begins. But it makes sense that you might revisit it the whole time you’re withdrawing:
I would venture to say that fear is the one greatest obstacle to successful withdrawal from psychiatric drugs. There is the fear of losing control, of going mad, that they might be right about me, that I’ll lose my job, that I won’t be able to function, that I’ll end up back in the hospital, etc. This list goes on and on; the fear is enormous. My strong recommendation is that, if at all possible, you counsel extensively on your fear as a first step in making and acting on the decision to withdraw from psychiatric drugs. The next few paragraphs will help clarify why I so strongly advise you to do this.
It’s good for me to look over that entire essay from time to time. It’s good advice all around about the psychological dimensions one must go through in withdrawal.
The reason I say the withdrawal is central to my existence is because I have no life. My chronic fatigue and intermittent sleeping leave me unreliable so I don’t make plans. God I want this to be over. Most of the time I’m on the internet and I’ve become isolated from real people. I want to get out and be with people–I’m incredibly social by nature. I want this to be over so that I can reliably make commitments again.
Right now I’m hoping it will be another 6 months to be off the drugs. Then I imagine it will be at least a year or two to truly recover, but hopefully I can start having a life in that time.