This is the longest I’ve gone without posting and this is just a brief update. Life sucks. I’m in pain. Withdrawal pain and personal pain. I’m not spending a whole lot of time online because it hurts too much. This should pass as the withdrawals pass. I will become less sensitive to other hurts and the ups and downs of life which right now I can barely tolerate. I’ve gone from sleeping no more than 2 hours to sleeping 12 and not waking the rest of the day, back to just a couple last night. I’m exhausted in every imaginable way.
My husband is leaving for ten days. He is going out of the country on business. I don’t know if I can take care of myself and may need to call my mom who lives out of state. This idea sickens me. I will do what I can to avoid it. My husband went shopping yesterday so that I would have enough food for ten days. I won’t have to leave the house—I should be able to do it. The tricky part is taking care of the dog. She may be stuck with being put out on the line instead of going for walks. It’s a generous line that spans the area of a yard. But it makes me feel guilty. She loves her walks.
I’ve canceled everything for the last six days—this makes me feel guilty too—somehow I always blame myself even when there is nothing I can do to change it. I have yet to accept my limitations.
I lay down all day long—the house is a disaster. Being up makes me sick. Eating makes me sick. Nausea and light-headedness.
I hope this particular nightmare passes soon. No one said withdrawal would be easy but at times like this I just want a way out. I might add I’ve never had a time quite like this. I know some people would say I’ve been reckless in withdrawing too quickly but at this point I’m going to see if it passes. I won’t be starting my next withdrawal for a while.