I’m just not with it and I lack creativity.
I’m having serious doubts about my well-being. I realize that what I’m going through must be withdrawals and that they will pass, but that is only an intellectual construct. I’m suffering and I don’t know when it will end. Emotionally I feel like I’m at the end of my rope.
That is how I feel this very moment. Last night, though, alone in bed, as my husband is gone for two weeks, I saw that I was being given time alone to experience myself. I cried out loud for the loss of my brother and I talked to him out loud too. I wouldn’t have done that had my husband been here. It felt good and cleansing.
Sometimes it all makes sense and sometimes it seems senseless.
I didn’t go see my therapist. I haven’t left the house in three days. And I don’t want to. Jayme at Rayne’s World talks about feeling everything completely, embracing our experience. That is what I wish to do while I have this time to myself. Thanks Jayme.