I just very carefully went through the album mentioned in the post below, page by page and looked long and hard at every picture of my beloved brother. No more pain at this moment, just a dull ache and a profound gratitude for having had him in my life.
The other day when I looked at it I flipped through it and couldn’t handle it.
Now I spent a good hour looking at him and our family growing up together and then him and his family and kids and all of us as adults at college graduations and weddings and holidays and all I felt was a deep abiding love.
That love will never die.
I love you Robert. Peace to you wherever you are.
Sometimes it feels good to feel. Right now it feels good.
My mom had just finished telling me to put the book away and not look at it as I cried to her my pain. I’m glad I didn’t listen to her.