The blog is getting more and more popular. This makes me feel more responsibility to post something at least every couple of days. Then I worry about quality…
This will be a simple update sans to much creative impulse.
I am suffering again from that debilitating fatigue that the Lamictal withdrawal caused the first time around. It’s a deep, profound enervation. It feels weird and unnatural. My mood and sleep are fine though so I still see this phase as a vast improvement over the past.
I’m feeling like “something” is happening. It feels hopeful and spiritual. I still suffer, but I have more trust and faith that it will not all come to not.
I’m going home on Saturday. I’m homesick for the place I’ve lived the last five years even while I never want to leave California, my home of 38 years. It pains me really. Someday I hope to return to California with my husband and then it will be home again. Now without my husband, house, and pets it is an incomplete facsimile of the place I once called home. But I mourn every time I think of leaving it and being away. If there is one thing I learned by (voluntarily) moving away it’s that I am a Californian to the bone. My heart will always be here. I am open to making a life elsewhere though, but I know I have to complete my recovery before I can make roots anywhere else.
Anyway….I have a brand new feeling that the world is my oyster, so I also feel like anything might happen. Possibility. Magic. And no I’m not out of my mind. I still feel plenty shitty a good part of the time and hopelessness runs through my mind still like when I was doubled over in pain the last few days. It’s just a subtle sense of faith.