Okay I had one of those freak days

When I feel normal today. It’s freaky because muscles that literally do not work most of the time just all of a sudden work. It makes no sense. When for days on end I can only be out of bed for minutes at a time and not even sit upright, all of a sudden I have a day like today and I made lunch for a friend, went to Bed Bath and Beyond and Target for stuff for the house, went grocery shopping and then drove an hour to go pick up some free shoes I got through freecycle. This is after more than a solid week of barely being able to get up and go pee on my own. Oh, I also made dinner tonight.

It’s 8:30 and I took my Klonopin at 8 pm. It’s likely I’ll feel like shit within a half hour as the Klonopin always makes me sick after I take it. We’ll see how tomorrow looks. I did wake up extremely nauseas this morning—more than usual, but once that passed I was better than I’ve been in a couple of weeks.

I’m going to a regular GP tomorrow. I want to rule shit out. Like MS and Lupus and any viral disease that gets labeled chronic fatigue. My body is a freak machine. I’m sick as hell most of the time. I really don’t expect to find anything they can diagnose but it seems prudent to see just in case.

I really don’t get it. Anyway, here’s to this freaky healthy feeling lasting the rest of my life…I can hope…I can say, “I am healthy.” Ala new age affirmation.

Anyway, don’t everyone cheer and think it’s all better now…I’ve been here many times before. Like I said in a post a few days ago. I had 15 days in row feeling good like this a few months ago after months of being profoundly ill. The fact of the matter is the crushing, debilitating fatigue controls my life. Until I can count on being regularly healthy I still can’t have a normal life in which I make plans and commitments.

I’m not counting on that yet, but I did have a nice day. And I did enjoy it.

“Recovery is not linear,” is one of my favorite quotes.

9 thoughts on “Okay I had one of those freak days

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  1. Good luck tomorrow. Hope all goes well. I know the good days were always mixed for me. I was excited I felt good but had trouble fully enjoying it because I knew it wouldn’t last. I am praying for the day that you are well enough that the bad days are the rare ones and the good ones you can count on!


  2. as long as I’m on the Klonopin it’s unlikely I’ll feel good all the time…I never wake feeling good and I feel like crap each night after I take the K…

    if I do have a “good day” it lasts from about 1 pm (after the K had worn off a bit) until I take my meds again that night….

    but yes, once I’m off the drugs completely I can hope I will heal and feel good most of the time give or take life’s shit happening!!

  3. i still wonder how much of it is due to toxidity from the meds, and the fallout that comes from withdrawal….

    yeah, of course, that is probably what it is, but it’s so freaky and no one really knows anything about withdrawal especially as it pertains to me who was on high doses without a break for 20 years…

    this is unchartered territory….with no answers…

    yeah, hope I will feel this way all the time soon!

  4. gianna,

    i still wonder how much of it is due to toxidity from the meds, and the fallout that comes from withdrawal….

    hope you get a good report tomorrow from the gp…..

    as far as feeling great today – looking forward to the day when your feeling this way most of the time!

    your friend,


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