Their trauma is not an excuse to be a shitty person to you.
— Δʐʊяεέ ॐ ３３３ (@iAMCosmicBodhi) July 25, 2019
Actually it kind of is. Certain kinds of trauma hack the nervous system in such a way that drama ensues even in light of awareness. Then it’s just your job to steer clear with great compassion and love in your heart.
People who treat others badly because of their own trauma do need to become aware and avoid situations where they act like assholes until they better understand and are able to not behave in that way. We can help them by making clear boundaries while minimizing our judgments.
And of course, as always people point outward to others when speaking about bad behavior. I’m going to own the fact that I, too, have, indeed, acted badly as a result of having an out of control nervous system. I’ve learned to manage this by not putting myself into situations that overburden my nervous system as often as possible and slowly feeling into the pain of situations that trigger my past trauma. I slowly desensitize in this way. My “bad behavior” has been largely minimized that way. Mostly only my husband sees it on occasion now, though I know that under the right (or wrong) circumstances I could have a more public display of bad behavior. I watch and learn and hold myself with compassion as my body learns to hold all of it without reactivity. It’s happening. Becoming aware and owning what is happening goes a long way.
When we watch with awareness what happens after we get triggered we sometimes find what I’ve called a “trauma flow.” — Mindfulness in trauma flow
and various thoughts on perpetrators and victims (we all contain both)
AND yes, I could use some compensation for the many 100s of hours I’ve worked with folks over the years. Working like we do and not getting any sort of compensation that I might live more comfortably in the face of continued challenges continues to teach us what we’ve learned from psychiatry. We must not be worth it. Let’s change that patterning. If I helped you or a loved one out, please help me back now. thank you.
****We could use some financial support at the moment! You know, for things like the mortgage so that we can maintain a roof over our heads. Yup. I do this all for no other compensation than what the readers want to offer in support. Thank you!****
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