One of my online friends ended her life on Thursday. I found out on Sunday. She was a regular reader and commenter on this blog and she also joined a benzo withdrawal group that shes learned about on my site. We were friends and I’d talked to her on the phone once. She was an absolute delight to talk to and I was looking forward to talking to her again sometime. I felt like I had found a kindred soul when I talked to her.
In her desperation to rid herself of the benzos that were making her so ill she chose to go to an untested treatment facility where the “technology” behind the drug assisted cold-turkey withdrawal was unfounded and as her husband later found out had only been done on twenty clients before her. The outcome was, clearly, catastrophic.
I had a very sober day Sunday and I’ve continued grieving today and yesterday. Her desperation simply became too much. I see so many people who have become toxic on meds in utter despair everyday in my email groups. Most people ride their way through it and find that, yes, all things change and if they take control of their lives and hang on things will incrementally improve. We all, as members of these groups, help each other through the dark times and usually do so successfully.
But what might have been only temporary despair, proved too much for my friend. I think most of us reading this blog have at one point or another had an inkling of how bad she was probably hurting when she chose to go. And so it’s incredibly painful to imagine that pain that she was feeling when she made her decision.
So now I only wish to say peace to you my friend. That you may be in the arms of a loving universe and no longer in pain.