I no longer hide

I no longer hide ~~

2025 Update: Actually I do hide quite often these days. I have tardive dyskinesia (iatrogenic injury, infection and brain injury), often referred to as a “movement disorder.” Calling it a movement disorder is extremely misleading. It is much more than the visible movements that people can see. It is often excruciatingly painful and it can be crippling. I sometimes cannot walk. I often cannot speak.

I hide because people are cruel to those who look strange or odd. I have been tending to my body for a long time so there are times when it’s not visible and that is when I venture into the world. At home I am often nonverbal and sometimes a fall risk. Night time is when the “movements” get really bad. Tardive dyskinesia can cause freezing as well as a lot of “movement.” Anyway. The healng process continues and it’s clearly moving in the right direction and everything I just said is also true.

The below is nonetheless a good poem/prose. And I have felt it’s truth in my body even with all that is going on.

Enjoy:

And so I no longer hide. I finally made the decision. And soon after, it was clear to see that 90% of the stress I’d carried through out the years was because I hid myself, pretended, smiled when I didn’t want to, silenced myself when my song was emerging from my very skin. I denied myself and so my world inside was a crumbling mess. I stopped hiding and was blown away by how easy it was to live. Living became natural again. And being me was no longer a problem. They don’t teach this stuff in schools but they should. They really, really should. Real living is about unhiding. That’s when everything starts to make sense.  — S.C Lourie, Soul Notes of the Butterfly

Oh, yes. Learn to be who we are. Here is more from Beyond Meds:

• Give in to being, be who you are…
• Your body tells you when you’ve moved out of harmony: listen to learn
• Be the medicine the world needs you to be
• Show Yourself
• We can no longer say, I am right and you are wrong…
• You are beautiful. Song of radical acceptance.
• Show me all of you
• Melt into your own life

See also: Tardive Dyskinesia – collection of articles

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