This is my experience after what, at this point, amounts to thousands of hours of mindful presence with the chaos in my body. One learns when one focuses attention. One learns a whole lot. That is meditation. Focused attention.
So, my experience of chronic illness:
Chronic illness is the body saying no to the toxic societal structures that we have internalized…healing from chronic illness is healing the whole human shebang.
~~ To be clear healing does not mean curing. There is no cure to this being human. ~~
This is also not to suggest that there are not real physical correlates to these societal structures. Pharmaceutical injury is a violent intrusion of societal structure into the brains and nervous systems of people who are sensitive. The structure becomes a real mirror of destruction within the body.
Detox is the breaking down of these internalized societal structures. They can become extremely complex if there’s a lot of microorganisms and heavy metals as well as neurotoxic substances involved…the pharmaceuticals set up opportunities for multiple infections, in fact.
People sometimes appear possessed because, frankly, they are. Microorganisms can profoundly affect our consciousness. (our microbiome…our gut…the balance of microorganisms matter…healing, from this perspective, is in some sense is about internal ecosystem management).
Detox can take the form of energetic, psychological, emotional and physical detox processes. Some folks need to concentrate on one more than others — other people need to focus on just about everything in their life to bring it into balance especially if we’ve been chronically ill.
My body had to construct alternative detoxification routes because of the damage that happened to the brain. This level of interoception is a bit much at times, I’d rather not have this capacity quite often. It restructured pathways — while I followed it’s lead (direction) with all my healing practices. It totally needed my active, focused, conscious cooperation. I did that by learning to listen to my body and shutting out what society (and pretty much everyone else) said. It was critical to do that for me.
We equate health with peak physical condition ignoring the fact that a person can have a perfect body yet a fragmented being, or conversely a sense of wholeness within what might appear to be a broken body. The real barometer of health is spiritual rather than physical.
Healing/transformation is not always a graceful process. Sometimes it’s exceedingly ungraceful/unskillful. In fact we bump up against every edge and frequently look the idiot if we’re actually doing the work.
Healing is about accepting and being completely who we are with whatever limitations we have. Sensing wholeness, even with a broken body because nature always holds us in wholeness. When we listen we learn flow in whatever condition we find ourselves in.
The times when we say we feel most alive are when we feel most deeply connected to life itself — not our own life, but life in its totality. We are always that.
Much more on chronic illness here
Much more on protracted psych drug withdrawal syndrome here
Much more on meditation here
For a multitude of ideas about how to create a life filled with safe alternatives to psychiatric drugs visit the drop-down menus at the top of this page.
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I’m an advocate and survivor of psychiatry and I love the quote from the Talmud. Jesus said “it is finished “and I take comfort in reminding myself that he has already completed the work in one sense and in the other sense its so unfinished and may be going backwards at times.. kindness may be gratitude to God in action
How fearfully and wonderfully God made us so it’s best not to engage in hubris of going too far in tampering with a complex thing like the human brain. It’s far better to try natural remedies and friendship.
Hello Monica, I am on this particular blog because I am desperate to ask you some questions about getting off of Lamictal, and the other sites for Lamictal were all closed for comments. Please excuse this if this is improper. I greatly appreciate some guidance, because this is utterly miserable. I am so thankful for the insight and experiences shared on that site, informing me that this was all normal and indeed excruciating.
I was put on Lamictal and immediately had severe heart palpitations, anxiety, and dysphoric anxiety. I was also coming off of Effexor and getting used to Gabapentin, so I wasn’t sure what was causing all this, and my Dr. insisted on taking Lamictal. Though I lowered the dose to 10, where I seemed to be okay.
Well, I finally realized months later that this drug was causing all these symptoms. I tried to go down to 6.5 mg., and started having panic attacks, so went back to 8 mg. Then I found your other site on Lamictal, where I discovered the idea of liquid dispension. I tapered 1/3 mg. every three days, until I got down to 4, and started having panic attacks again. So I stopped tapering.
My main question is what mg. do people like me finally get to stop taking the drug? I was aiming for .25, but I was hoping to do it sooner, even though I’m afraid even this wont’ be low enough. Some suggest 10% reduction every 2-4 weeks, but at what point can you take that final leap?
I am now planning on going down .1 mg every two or three days, which would be about 1 mg in 3-4 weeks. I read that someone did .5 mg every two weeks, which is about the same. Which do you think would be less symptomatic?
And finally (sorry, so many questions), does it continue to get harder the smaller the dose ALL the way down to nothing? That terrifies me to no end! It’s already been hard. I’m down 60% in 3 months from 10 mg, but now I’m postponing my off-date from mid Nov. to next Feb., when my wife is having our baby. Is it going to just keep postponing indefinitely until I’m on like .1 mg???
Thank you so much for reading and responding!
For psych drug withdrawal support in general
I highly recommend: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/
My best to you as you find your way…
I wonder how many people have tried the Annie Hopper method of restructuring the limbic system. Have you heard of it? It is supposed to be good for chemical sensitivities, fibromyalgia, pain, PTSD, anxiety and depression to name a few. It can be googled. Some professionals are giving it a lot of credence.
I did. It was okay if one has never encountered such practices before. I had a mind of my own given all the work I had already done and they kicked me out of their forum…they teach total avoidance of the “negative” — I think that’s ridiculous. Anyway, some people find it helpful, for sure. It was instructive for me too, in that I learned a lot about how it fell short and what direction I could move in from there.
You wrote: “My body had to construct alternative detoxification routes…. It restructured pathways — while I followed it’s lead (direction) with all my healing practices. It totally needed my active, focused, conscious cooperation.” I know you have a lot of posts about the practices, but it’d be really useful to have some specific examples right here about what your body was doing, what it felt like, etc. Thanks for any thoughts!
Hi yes I hope to write more about all this as I continue. My process still involves 24/7 tending the body — I write when it allows me/wants me to write — so I’m sorry that this is all I’ve got for now.
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also, the details don’t really matter. we are all so different that the details on this part of the healing path are simply unique. I share that which might have some universal interest or application (among those of us injured) …the fact is I know that most of my journey is unique and personal to me…so, my offerings here are also with that in mind. Thank you again.
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OK, thank you!