I got progressively more physically debilitated all of last year…

Is it okay if I don’t feel optimistic about the coming year? There is no reason to expect I’ll feel better any time soon. And certainly not within the year.

What I have is iatrogenic illness:

We found that 36% of 815 consecutive patients on a general medical service of a university hospital had an iatrogenic illness. In 9% of all persons admitted, the incident was considered major in that it threatened life or produced considerable disability. In 2% of the 815 patients, the iatrogenic illness was believed to contribute to the death of the patient. Exposure to drugs was a particularly important factor in determining which patients had complications. Given the increasing number and complexity of diagnostic procedures and therapeutic agents, monitoring of untoward events is essential, and attention should be paid to educational efforts to reduce the risks of iatrogenic illness. (emphasis mine)

I am not giving up, but simply being realistic. My body is severely injured from these drugs and my withdrawal which exacerbates the injury is not even over. Granted I only have one drug left out of 6 but I am extremely ill and don’t even know when it will be safe to taper again.

New Years Eve and New Years day were two of the worst days of my life as I contemplated the last year which was the worst year of my life and simultaneously had some freak detox reaction in which I lost use of my muscles and pain radiated down my spine and arms while I suffered from migraine and nausea.

The only good thing that happened in around May is that I started to sleep again when I learned how to effectively use amino acids. I sleep almost every night anywhere from 7 to 10 hours. Of course I’m profoundly exhausted everyday in any case, but it’s still much much better than being sleep deprived.

Anyway, excuse me if I’m not excited about the new year.

In any case the prayer I posted yesterday I meant. Indeed.

I started up with my Jungian therapist again. I really liked her. I had to stop when I started with the over-priced orthomolecular doc who almost killed me.

What I like about my Jungian is that she has twenty years experience interpreting dreams and she is clearly a genuine and sincere woman and she tells me my dreams indicate a very healthy and robust unconscious which indicates to her a very good prognosis. That to me more than anything means that I have the capacity to live with my limitations and accept reality whatever it is. There is no way she can know if my body will heal.

Okay, something to hang onto. I do think she is the best therapist I’ve ever had.

Oh also on an interesting note. Last month I posted more than I ever have. I went from an average of about 20 posts per month to 64 posts in December. My stats also, amazingly enough, went up during a month in which stats traditionally go down. But now I feel burnt out and want to take a break….

How many times have I said that…the crazy thing is…the more I get physically debilitated, I think the more I wish to produce the only way I know how—flat on my back with a lap top on my knee.

Okay enough!
Peace to all.

add to del.icio.us : Add to Blinkslist : add to furl : Digg it : add to ma.gnolia : Stumble It! : add to simpy : seed the vine : : : TailRank : post to facebook

23 thoughts on “I got progressively more physically debilitated all of last year…

Add yours

  1. Yuck.. The Queen’s anus horribilis. What a disgusting mental image!

    For those forced to watch The Queen’s unbearable Christmas Message to the British Empire, cannot fail to have noticed the rank hypocrisy in it all…

    This year was worse than ever.

    She’s the Richest Woman in the World, with obscene personal wealth estimated at nine or even ten figures. Oblivious to the irony of it all, The Queen declared from the drawing room of one of her eight palaces, that the abject poverty in the world today..leaves one with a sense of enormous sadness…

    Let ’em eat cake, why not?!

    Broadcast simultaneously on the idiot box was an “Alternative” Christmas Message from President Ahmadinejad of Iran. On principle, the Anglo-American elite naturally condemned the message as toxic propaganda – he’s one of them, for God’s sake! The President’s deeply spiritual message of goodwill struck me as showing genuine compassion for humanity. Unlike the shallow spoutings from Mrs Windsor to her even shallower subjects!

  2. I didn’t deny iatrogenic conditions caused by psych-drugs.
    I have some posts on it. Antidepressants causes depression…
    People at ssri-sex yahoo group are trying to find a way out of PSSD since 2005.

  3. I think its okay to greet the new year with some skepticism. I did so myself.

    But, perhaps, another thought…

    What if we welcomed the New Year as simply another day, another “present” moment?

    And what if rather than placing pressure on ourselves to make resolutions and change who we are and how we look and what we do, we simply accept those changes as they come to us? Yes, allowing ourselves to be inspired for change in the moment rather than 1 Jan 09…

  4. You had a naff new year, and like many others, I did too!

    In fact, what with the extreme cold, the collapse of the global economy, fears over job insecurity, soaring personal debt, foreclosures, rocketing household bills, the chronic abuse of alcohol, street drugs and script drugs, and now morbid obesity to worry about as well, almost everyone, bar the queen of england, was guaranteed a shite New Year!

    The media has actually ensured that the new year was profoundly depressing by building up for months with insanely negative, doom-mongering reports. These have had an enormous impact on the health of our collective psyche.

    On New Year’s Day itself, the local rag showed a picture of an empty town centre at midnight with the headline “DESOLATE!” Usually the streets are full of merry (i.e. drunken) revellers spewing out of the clubs and bars. Not this year though..

    I sense it’s kind of healthy to cock-a-snook at the rogues in power who want to drive us to depression…

  5. “silly pet video” — that made me laugh in the good kind of way.

    I guess I could have used the search feature to find amino references. : } Thanks for the link!

    Glad you’re feeling some improvement!!!

  6. Hey Froscha,
    I learned how to effectively use aminos on MYSELF…I can’t tell anyone how to use them effectively for them…but you can try to learn about inhibitory amino acids and experiment with them…

    Some of them should NOT be used with SSRI’s but otherwise they’re pretty safe but need to be used with some know how…

    I did do a post on amino acids that has a link to a site with info on them…a place to start…

    Good books to learn about aminos are The Mood Cure, and Depression Free Naturally and The Brain Chemistry Diet.

    My small piece on aminos is here:


    will try to contact you soon…I’m doing a bit better…even just made my second silly pet video…hopefully will be up soon!

  7. I had a sharp, bitter laugh at this, Gianna: “I’m sure pharma will come up with drugs to heal the damage caused by the drugs and the cycle will continue…” Yes, oh yes they will.

    I learned the term “iatrogenic” on the Healthy Skeptic article about the myth of chemical imbalance. I looked it up and a light went off. Finally, I had a word for what I was experiencing. A nicely substantial, serious sounding word for me to use on the sick skeptics, one that leaves the imprint of credibility.

    What did you mean by “how to effectively use amino acids” ?? (I know, it’s probably buried in this site somewhere but my head is hurting.) My sleep is severely messed up right now, and when I try the prescription junk as a desperate measure, I fall asleep sooner yet still sleep in as late as when I’m tossing all night, plus the feeling of drugged-up-ness the next day. So there’s no advantage. I suspect my life would be much more pleasant and productive if I was actually awake for most of it.

    I’m so sorry you’re having a terrible time at the turn of the year. Or any time, of course. Let’s make a phone date when you’re feeling up to it. Shoot me an email when you’re ready or you can try calling me again.

  8. I like the poem ” The Guest House”. I’ve just been reading a piece about our spirits and guides who are always around us, helping us and guiding us on our pathway. It is nice to have it echoed in your poem. We have to trust in them and ask for the spirit of light and joy to enter our lives and clear out the darkness.

  9. I’ve downloaded the article. It’s about iatrogenic disease of all kinds but it does not talk about psych-drugs.
    I feel the same.
    But you have on your side that you did reached the end – ok there’s still clonazepam – and your body is still adjusting and trying to recover.
    I’m sure you will see your body and mind recovering. It takes time.
    I’m being realistic.

  10. Dorothy,
    if you are referring to me on a website I appreciate full credit with links. Nothing here is private…it’s meant to be disseminated. And this blog is public.

    I do copyright my material so if you want to quote from my work it’s fine with a link, and if you want to share more than just a small quote I appreciate a link leading back to the original source rather than cutting and pasting whole pieces.


    and thank you too for your support and appreciation.

  11. I thank everyone who has shared on this blog, because I had no idea of the suffering and strength you’ve endured…to me..that is the hope of the better New Year…youre strength and curage.

    When I was going through my “stuff”, I was totally withdrawn and didn’t want to communicate with anyone….amazing how together you all are…seeking love…friendships….camaraderie….health.

    I’m sure you’ll have a very happy and healthy year coming. You’re seeking health.

    Gianna, (an others on this board) can I use you as an example of the disinformation or deliberate lack of information not given to patients and the long lasting debilitating and destructive affects that linger on for years, when innocent people, looking for help, are duped by the those who exploit their problems, for their own gain.

    I won’t use your name if you don’t want me to, but if you do, I’ll also add your link if you want, so others can be warned.

    I love the Love poems. Thank you for going the extra miles, even while in pain to give us love, and gudance.

  12. beautiful poem, I’ll post it…I posted another one from that video as well at the time…but missed this one…the one I posted at the time was by Rumi—Jon Kabat Zinn is wonderful:

    The Guest House

    This being human is a guest house.
    Every morning a new arrival.

    A joy, a depression, a meanness,
    some momentary awareness comes
    as an unexpected visitor.

    Welcome and entertain them all!
    Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
    who violently sweep your house
    empty of its furniture,
    still, treat each guest honorably.
    He may be clearing you out
    for some new delight.

    The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
    meet them at the door laughing,
    and invite them in.

    Be grateful for whoever comes,
    because each has been sent
    as a guide from beyond.
    ~ Rumi ~

  13. Gianna,

    Need to let someone else get a comment in here….

    But, want to leave you with a wonderful poem (it was at the end of the video on mindfulness – the one you told our other group you had posted on your blog a while back)….

    In the event you’ve forgotten it….I hope this is what you feel when you finally get the psych drugs out of your system, and begin to find yourself again – (obviously, the reference to “ignored” doesn’t apply, but I think the rest does) –

    ‘Love After Love’

    The time will come

    when, with elation,

    you will greet yourself arriving

    at your own door,

    in your own mirror,

    and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

    saying, sit here, eat

    You will love again the stranger who was your self.

    Give wine. Give bread.

    Give back your heart to itself,

    to the stranger who has loved you all your life,

    whom you ignored for another,

    who knows you by heart.

    Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

    the photographs, the desperate notes,

    peel your own image from the mirror.

    Sit. Feast on your life.

    – Derek Walcott,

    Nobel Laureate – Literature, 1992

  14. Gianna,

    Any of us who’ve come to know you realize that you were (literally) poisoned by the psychiatric drugs….It is (as you call it) the reality of where you’re at….

    Not a day goes by that I’m not moved by your courage, because it reminds me that each of us has this – inside….And, to see it in another, points to the spirit….and, the spirit is such a fascinating and wonderful part of who we all are –

    Thank you for sharing so much….
    And, thank you for the beautiful prayer yesterday….

    Peace be with you – Always – even through your pain.

    Yours in spirit,


  15. odd? I think the reasons there are so many blogs is that it is therapeutic and there are just a lot of closet writers or writer wannabes…

    but yeah, I’m not particularly negative either…I’ve simply been watching a trajectory and I’m not stupid.

    and hell yeah, I work my ass off at doing all I can to get healthy…but I feel it’s going to take more than a year…hence my saying I’m not giving up…

    but yeah, I feel best when I blog too.

  16. You know, I’m with you here on two fronts.

    1) I don’t see 2009 being any better… not that I am being negative, I simply don’t feel it. I am being realistic about the situation even though I am taking steps to protect myself and get better.

    2) I find that one of my only comforts is blogging… it seems to be that when I do blog (be it about my situation or about other things) I simply feel better…. just for that small period.

    Odd, no?

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑