Is it okay if I don’t feel optimistic about the coming year? There is no reason to expect I’ll feel better any time soon. And certainly not within the year.
What I have is iatrogenic illness:
We found that 36% of 815 consecutive patients on a general medical service of a university hospital had an iatrogenic illness. In 9% of all persons admitted, the incident was considered major in that it threatened life or produced considerable disability. In 2% of the 815 patients, the iatrogenic illness was believed to contribute to the death of the patient. Exposure to drugs was a particularly important factor in determining which patients had complications. Given the increasing number and complexity of diagnostic procedures and therapeutic agents, monitoring of untoward events is essential, and attention should be paid to educational efforts to reduce the risks of iatrogenic illness. (emphasis mine)
I am not giving up, but simply being realistic. My body is severely injured from these drugs and my withdrawal which exacerbates the injury is not even over. Granted I only have one drug left out of 6 but I am extremely ill and don’t even know when it will be safe to taper again.
New Years Eve and New Years day were two of the worst days of my life as I contemplated the last year which was the worst year of my life and simultaneously had some freak detox reaction in which I lost use of my muscles and pain radiated down my spine and arms while I suffered from migraine and nausea.
The only good thing that happened in around May is that I started to sleep again when I learned how to effectively use amino acids. I sleep almost every night anywhere from 7 to 10 hours. Of course I’m profoundly exhausted everyday in any case, but it’s still much much better than being sleep deprived.
Anyway, excuse me if I’m not excited about the new year.
In any case the prayer I posted yesterday I meant. Indeed.
I started up with my Jungian therapist again. I really liked her. I had to stop when I started with the over-priced orthomolecular doc who almost killed me.
What I like about my Jungian is that she has twenty years experience interpreting dreams and she is clearly a genuine and sincere woman and she tells me my dreams indicate a very healthy and robust unconscious which indicates to her a very good prognosis. That to me more than anything means that I have the capacity to live with my limitations and accept reality whatever it is. There is no way she can know if my body will heal.
Okay, something to hang onto. I do think she is the best therapist I’ve ever had.
Oh also on an interesting note. Last month I posted more than I ever have. I went from an average of about 20 posts per month to 64 posts in December. My stats also, amazingly enough, went up during a month in which stats traditionally go down. But now I feel burnt out and want to take a break….
How many times have I said that…the crazy thing is…the more I get physically debilitated, I think the more I wish to produce the only way I know how—flat on my back with a lap top on my knee.
Peace to all.