It’s okay to let your clients leave you without declaring them resistant to your care. They know better than you do when they are ready to work and with whom. It should not be assumed that just because they walk out of your office they are not finding their way even as they take that action.
Lack of resonance with the healer does not equate resistance.
Resonance is necessary for deep healing.
We all know this. Our gut knows it, always.
Letting go and being honest about our own limitations and lack of resonance with a client allows them to more easily find what they actually need. Reflecting the reality back to them gives them the confidence to trust themselves. Perhaps one can say, too, that until the client finds something more appropriate they can stay for whatever support might be offered in an open and honest context.
Letting people know they’re free to go is part of non-coercive, respectful care.
There is not any one method or person who will be appropriate for all clients. Different things will be appropriate for different people and then an individual may also find different things (and people) appropriate at different times.
Those who have a hard time resonating with care providers are sometimes in the greatest pain. Do not label them “difficult.” Do not label them “borderline” and “personality disordered.” It adds to their burden. We can be gentle and loving even to those we might not know how to help. Be honest about the fact that you don’t know how to help them if that is the case. Don’t blame them, that is an added trauma in a life that has likely already been trauma-filled.
May we all honor the mystery of our individual paths.
Part 1: Healing journey (brief thoughts from this morning to a friend…unedited) — this one is about all health professionals, not just mental health ones. MDs and alternative health professionals, etc.
More posts from the perspective of both healer/professional and client: About having been both a mental health professional and a psych patient