By Matt Licata
Many of you are in transition from the known to the unknown, and there is very naturally a lot of anxiety, trepidation, and hesitancy about the whole thing. Strangely, though, at times you’re feeling more alive than you’ve ever felt. There is a part of you that wants clarity, wants it to feel good, wants it all to flow, and wants some resolution to all of the contradictory thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You are longing for some solid ground to stand on. You’re tired and have been working so hard. You are cosmically exhausted. You just want some rest.
You very naturally want the path of the heart to feel safe, to provide answers to your questions, and to establish a new reference point for you to move forward from. But as an envoy of cohesion and integration, the beloved is not able to offer these things… for now. Her role is that of deflation and rewiring by love – and her invitation is one of unyielding wholeness. While you are always safe in his mandala, you may not always *feel* safe; such is the journey of love, re-embodiment, and metabolization.
He is calling you into a meadow of hopelessness, from one perspective, and this is just not very compelling – what will happen to the great drama and narrative of “me”? What about all my hopes, fears, and fantasies? My spiritual accomplishments? My dreams of the future? Everything I “know” about life, about intimacy, about others, about love? It is this transmission of hopelessness that is the great gift of the beloved. From the point of view of egoic process, however—and the dream of a separate, continuous, solid self—it is not easy to receive this gift or to allow in the immensity of what is being offered. For as Chogyam Trungpa reminds us, enlightenment is ego’s ultimate disappointment.
The aliveness, presence, and connection you are longing for will only ever found in the very center of every feeling, emotion, and sensation you have disowned and disconnected from up until now. The long-lost, orphaned pieces of your achy, tender heart are assembling around you; do you feel them? Listen carefully; open your senses to majestic somatic vastness. Stay close to these ones for they are secret jewels of the darkness. Dare to see that everything here is path that that staying fully embodied to your vulnerability in all its forms is your only yoga now. And that it is through this yoga that the path of metabolization by wild love will unfold and illuminate inside you, bringing your heart alive, and revealing your intimacy with all things.
First posted on Matt’s blog: A healing space