After meditating for some years, I began to see the patterns of my own behavior. As you quiet your mind, you begin to see the nature of your own resistance more clearly, struggles, inner dialogues, the way in which you procrastinate and develop passive resistance against life. As you cultivate the witness, things change. You don’t have to change them. Things just change. ~ Ram Dass
Yes, I’ve personally found that trying to change myself actually gets in the way of healing. I am okay with acknowledging I am not in control. Sometimes life hands you a crisis where the only way out is coming to accept that reality. For me, what happened to me on psychiatric drugs was one of those situations. In that realization too, there is grace.
The idea of not being in control, nor ever being able to be in control, isn’t a comfortable thought for a lot of people. For me, though, surrendering to “that which is” is where my healing comes from. No choice anymore, just surrender. I practice letting go and watching. In that process I get out-of-the-way and let life flow through me. We find we have an amazing teacher right within us if we can learn to do that. That has been the way I’ve been able to find the inner guru and thus find some peace and happiness even in the midst of ongoing autonomic nervous system chaos…now I get to watch this body and mind and spirit heal. It’s an amazing ride and I’m grateful to be here to watch it.