The coin of health has illness on the other side. The currency of joy has sorrow on the reverse. Turn the coin of serenity and there is the stamp of worry. You always have to take what is underneath and reckon with that too. Happiness rests on sorrow, life upon death, calm upon turmoil. Each day has its night. — Jacob Rudin
Everything about healing is a paradox for me I’ve found. I also use the concept of double bind theory a lot to help me navigate through the process.
The nature of this aspect (the paradox) is like a Zen Koan…no one has the answer…we must find it within ourselves…and it tends to be an ineffable thing in the end so that articulation is impossible in any case.
I completely avoided getting the multiple (physical) diagnosis I could have gotten (the injury to the autonomic nervous system affected the body globally…no system was unaffected) I do (did) have what the folks in western medicine call psoriatic arthritis and endometriosis. Doctors told me that both of those things were degenerative conditions I could be assured would only get worse. I was told psoriatic arthritis might kill me. (I’ve healed both of them…they’re gone completely at this time). I might have been diagnosed with several other autoimmune and autonomic dysfunctions as well like Fibromyalgia and/or something like CFS among others. So…I figured out that I didn’t want to be told I had a bunch of other diseases that don’t get better (according to Western Medicine)…and hence I am simply getting better by tending to my body, now, in this moment with whatever it needs. All the above mentioned chronic illnesses are profound body/mind illnesses that affect the autonomic nervous system. I’ve written about how psychiatric drug withdrawal syndromes have so much in common with other chronic illness many times now.
Radical healing is not for sissies…it does involve staring into the abyss…embracing the void and every imaginable fear that humanity has. It is largely…when we get to this level — an obliteration of the (small, conditioned) self. When we no longer fear death nothing really matters anymore…and we can face pretty much anything…pain doesn’t have to be equivalent to suffering. All those annoying clichés start to reveal their truths.
That said, yes, it can still often suck…a lot and often. Nonetheless, I am more and more empowered every day with what I learn and now even when it sucks I generally have some core that remains amazed and in awe at the beauty that is life.
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Getting to know, as a friend, someone you once put on a pedestal, is a lovely and wonderful thing. We are all PEERS. (all human beings) —- KNOW THIS.
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Knowing when to STFU and simply be with what arises (listening and witnessing) is as important as speaking when appropriate.
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More on healing here
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