The below is a bit out of context because it was shared on twitter where I’d brought up this circumstance before. I had a friend/mentor/ teacher that I spoke to once a week for about four years and then remained in contact for a couple more. I never considered him a guru or anything but I found our conversations helpful and being that he was a couple of decades older than me and his interest was consciousness/awareness etc… he was definitely in the role of mentor/friend as I’ve been waking up on this healing journey. Relatively recently after several years of him knowing me and my work he told me to go see a psychiatrist! This is so completely ludicrous, so ridiculous and was so out of left field given how well he knows me and also knows what my work is, well…he certainly shot himself into complete irrelevance and I immediately cut ties with him. There is no way he could have not known that this was a total and complete dismissal and betrayal of our relationship and friendship. It was so mind-bogglingly messed-up and out of touch with what was actually called for that it was freeing and hilarious too, not just devastating (which it also was). A final betrayal. And in that way it was beautiful too because it allowed for a complete break from that pattern that has haunted me my entire life.
Here are my tweets from today as I finish integrating what happened:
The mentor asshole who told me to see a psychiatrist when I dared be explicit about the nature of the pain the brain injury still brings…
He imagined I was suicidal for some reason which underscores what an idiot and how out of touch he was since I love life with passion…
Or more precisely he wasn’t equipped to understand that wishing for death in the face of insane pain doesn’t necessarily equate depression…
He then told me our emails would be held in confidence which held zero credibility since he’d broken others confidentiality numerous times…
The man is a menace…a fraud…a ridiculous caricature, I can see clearly now. I’m embarrassed to have thought otherwise.
And yet, the fact is I learned a lot from him that has benefitted me greatly. I cannot regret our contact, though it also pains me…
I’ve always known he didn’t appreciate nor understand my work…still this level of betrayal blew my mind.
Nonetheless it also served to liberate in ways that would not have otherwise been as effective I suppose.
The karmic, archetypal trauma pattern of my life enacted one final time to release the entire neural nightmare from my body…
I did have to feel it all…the embedded imprint in the body–because trauma truly becomes embodied in ways in which most people have no clue. It becomes chronic illness and can be expressed in just about any conceivable way that physical illness manifests…it can also be unraveled. (Trauma links)
In the end we must recognize ourselves. We must see. We cannot rely on anyone else to do that. It was our parents job first and they failed.
Our parents failed not because they were bad-not because they didn’t love us. They failed because their parents also failed. Hold them in love. Our lineage is everything that we are. Our lineage connects us to the entire human race. We are human.
Spiritual teachers who do not understand how trauma gets embodied and what is involved in healing the body are dangerous and don’t know it.
Really any teacher that denies the body is a danger to all their students and the risk of massive spiritual bypassing gets increased…
- The guru is within…
- short and sweet: 6 brutal truths
To see a professional or not
- Becoming conscious is risky business
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I’m so sorry you have had this experience. I tend to have a lot of outrage at both eastern and western healers, spiritual guides, doctors and practitioners who are not doing needed work on themselves to see others clearly.
. During my own spiral into depression, I had a friend try to shame me with spirituality by insisting that my inability to rise above my pain at the time was a lack of spiritual belief. So devastating at the time but as I look back now, she was following a guru who was rigid in his practices. She needed the outside rigidity and father figure to feel whole.
The best therapists and healers I have had are the ones willing to be educated in areas they understand. And when they allow this, they create trust with me and a sense they trust me and my experiences in the world.
I hear you on your knowing of what this means at this time.
Hi Monica, I’m sorry to hear that this happened to you and it is easy to hear/feel your pain and to be touched in like places in my own heart and life. Betrayal from someone held in esteem has it’s own way of hurting. In addistion to the pain, the anger you feel is obvious and understandable. That you refer to this person as an ‘asshole’ and and ‘idiot’ after such a long and meaningful relationship. I hope your integration of this experience continues, that the shadow and light of this relationship begin to reach out to and speak with each other. Thanks a lot, Craig
Some people judge too quickly. Like when I was on the verge of homelessness and trying to find any hotel that would take me, someone criticized me for lacking perfect manners in an email. I even apologized and explained I was under extreme stress but he said I “wasn’t ready” for whatever the hell his Saintly Guru-hood thought I should be ready for. He can take his self-righteousness and shove it.
Monica, I have followed your words and some I have saved regarding PTSD, seen your words on other sites … NC Advocacy … I am so so sorry that you went through this … after everything else you have endured … you please stay strong and remember that they all put on their pants the same way every one else does … they have problems/situations/bad days and good days ….. BUT … if they are not capable of doing what they went to school for/learned/in an effort to help people and cause more distress/trauma/whatever … they need to be taken out of their field of expertise. ?? How to do this?? I don’t know …. My best mentors/teachers/Doctors were at Duke .. Dr. John Davidson/Dr. Kathryn Connor regarding PTSD … and they changed my life!! Then for medication monitoring I went into the County System (Wake) that shut down and left me with no one ….. Just trying to keep up with RX refills … forced into another place, which was not only BAD BUT … inexceptable regarding their treatment of me/to me … not accurate medical/Drug documentation … I documented all of it … Ya know …. I just gave up because there are NO people that really care about this … If I have gone through this ?? what about the others that can not speak for themselves? From my heart, all of the People/Doctors/P.A’s that walked away from Wake County Mental Health … leaving me and others …. ALONE …. I hope and pray that they can live with what they did ………. My Doctor gave me two weeks notice she was leaving … I do not trust any of them any longer ….
Holy crap! I quit a “therapist” like this 9 months ago. Good to remember the only vetting taking place in this profession is by these individuals themselves… But still, absolutely mind boggling! Thank you so very much for your very interesting and lucid posts. You’ve helped me in so many ways. Much love to you, Monica.
Monica, Thanks for sharing. This is soooo valuable because I believe survivors should be forewarned. And it’s great because your blog has such good visibility.
Dear fellow survivors, When you see someone you really admire, ask if the person is touting an idea, or him/herself. If it’s the latter, then I think the mentorship should be reconsidered.
I, too, experienced betrayal by a person touting himself as guru, which of course he denied. But I also noticed, as well, that he betrayed the confidentiality of other “clients” to me. I thought this was horribly unprofessional. In terms of friendship alone, you just don’t rat on other people like that. So why do it to “clients” whether you are a licensed therapist or “healer” which is nothing but a euphemism for therapist anyway?
It’s like these gurus want to keep one foot in the mental health power trip arena, and by masking their therapist agenda (“I Control You”), they are too chicken to admit it. But really, they thrive on it.
Good for you.
I think this WHOLE thing (every facet of it) is SO complicated, and the “system” (psychiatric industrial complex, big pharma, what is STILL taught in colleges to people who become “doctors” in this field of medicine, and other fields of medicine, too ..along with just the ridiculousness of the so called “mental health system”) ..and, on, and on, and on ..that this will never stop, it will never, ever stop (it’s like religion – there are too many “views,” beliefs, and opinions on this field of “medicine.” ..and, also some claim these poisons are a “life saver” for them, too – which if that’s the case for some, I can’t comment on that ..I can only say these poisons TOTALLY changed the course of my life, and disabled me 18 years ago ..my life has never been the same since ..I was a fully functional adult, in the work force for over 20 years before that ..oh, how I wished MANY times that I’d never been given that first benzodiazepine, in 1992, then that led to a “merry go round” of these poisons, and within 7 years, a fully functional adult was totally disabled ..what a night mare it has been ..and, many will continue to get lost, injured, disabled, and yes – even die, because of this awful, awful “mental health system.”
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