I continue to be very ill. Again this is a physical illness caused by multiple drug withdrawal. I sleep well, but can rarely leave my house. I have intermittent severe nausea, constant muscle weakness and strange spells in which I feel as though I’ve been shot up with heroine. I also have little or no appetite most of the time and have to force myself to stay nourished.
In spite of being physically ill I think it’s rather significant that I’m off all the drugs that supposedly control the “crazies” and I’m mentally fine. I assume my healthy diet and supplementation helps a lot with this.
All I’m left on is Klonopin which does nothing at all save keep me from going into uber withdrawals as we saw happen when I did go off it cold-turkey. And though I’m tapering it relatively quickly I do not suffer from anxiety either.
I suppose the only real mental issue I deal with is rage, which is quite uncomfortable, though I’m assured by the woman I mention below, that it is a primarily a withdrawal issue, as I never suffered from rage prior to being medicated. Frankly I imagine it’s a mixture of toxic withdrawal feelings and also great frustration at my debilitation as well as anger for having been put in this predicament with the help of doctors who did not know what they were doing to me. In any case I am quite certain it will clear up in time.
I continue to study the concept of radical acceptance and being in the present with this all. It is only a matter of time before these issues resolve themselves and part of them resolving is simply letting them be.
I have reconnected with my first mentor who taught me the most about withdrawal. She was unable to help out for a time for personal reasons and during those times I hooked up with the orthomolecular doc in CA and then the one in Maryland. Neither of those doctors had worked with the likes of me before and both ended in disaster, though I was greatly helped in general by the second. She simply blew it big time at the end. I do conitinue to benefit from much of what she recommended though, including continuing to sleep like a baby.
What is nice about my first mentor and the woman I now talk to on a regular basis is that she is the only person on the planet (all “experts” included) who really gets how sick I am and HAS SEEN IT MANY TIMES BEFORE. What a huge relief. There is nothing like reassurance. And reassuring she is.
So I continue working on strengthening my ravaged body and I have faith that I will come through this. Working weekly with someone again will be great and that is what we have arranged.
In any case, I will try to keep up the blog. Though in general I have little interest in writing about myself at this juncture. I know that many of my readers find my story particularly interesting, but really this blog is so much more than my story. It is the most complete resource of information on psychiatric drug withdrawal on the internet and, secondarily it covers much information on alternative means to care for mental health. If you check out my About page you’ll see that it’s true. If it’s about withdrawal and it’s on the web (and has decent info) it’s on my About page. I also include many good books and outside resources.
If its about alternative mental health care it might be on my about page. There is much more info on the net on that particular issue, and using my about page to bounce off into google searches is a good place to start that research. I hope you will use this blog for those reasons and direct people to my about page when they need these kinds of information. If you are a blogger or have a website with a link to my blog and feel so inclined I’d greatly appreciate your changing the link in your blogrolls to my about page rather than the home page. If someone is doing a quick look-see the chances of getting useful info are much higher on my about page.
Until I feel better I will be writing less, though I do hope to continue alerting you to important information and educational issues that tie into the purpose of this blog.
A teaser: once I’m healthy I’ve agreed to a radio interview. I was asked to do it now—actually have been asked several times to do it over the last several months, but I don’t want to do the interview until I’m a full-on success story. I offered to do an interview now and then again when I was healthy, but I said I would not do it now only reflecting an incomplete recovery. That offer was turned down. So I will wait until I’m healthy and celebrate my victory with my voice over the airways. (it will be available on the net as well)