Brief check in

I continue to be very ill. Again this is a physical illness caused by multiple drug withdrawal. I sleep well, but can rarely leave my house. I have intermittent severe nausea, constant muscle weakness and strange spells in which I feel as though I’ve been shot up with heroine. I also have little or no appetite most of the time and have to force myself to stay nourished.

In spite of being physically ill I think it’s rather significant that I’m off all the drugs that supposedly control the “crazies” and I’m mentally fine. I assume my healthy diet and supplementation helps a lot with this.

All I’m left on is Klonopin which does nothing at all save keep me from going into uber withdrawals as we saw happen when I did go off it cold-turkey. And though I’m tapering it relatively quickly I do not suffer from anxiety either.

I suppose the only real mental issue I deal with is rage, which is quite uncomfortable, though I’m assured by the woman I mention below, that it is a primarily a withdrawal issue, as I never suffered from rage prior to being medicated. Frankly I imagine it’s a mixture of toxic withdrawal feelings and also great frustration at my debilitation as well as anger for having been put in this predicament with the help of doctors who did not know what they were doing to me. In any case I am quite certain it will clear up in time.

I continue to study the concept of radical acceptance and being in the present with this all. It is only a matter of time before these issues resolve themselves and part of them resolving is simply letting them be.

I have reconnected with my first mentor who taught me the most about withdrawal. She was unable to help out for a time for personal reasons and during those times I hooked up with the orthomolecular doc in CA and then the one in Maryland. Neither of those doctors had worked with the likes of me before and both ended in disaster, though I was greatly helped in general by the second. She simply blew it big time at the end. I do conitinue to benefit from much of what she recommended though, including continuing to sleep like a baby.

What is nice about my first mentor and the woman I now talk to on a regular basis is that she is the only person on the planet (all “experts” included) who really gets how sick I am and HAS SEEN IT MANY TIMES BEFORE. What a huge relief. There is nothing like reassurance. And reassuring she is.

So I continue working on strengthening my ravaged body and I have faith that I will come through this. Working weekly with someone again will be great and that is what we have arranged.

In any case, I will try to keep up the blog. Though in general I have little interest in writing about myself at this juncture. I know that many of my readers find my story particularly interesting, but really this blog is so much more than my story. It is the most complete resource of information on psychiatric drug withdrawal on the internet and, secondarily it covers much information on alternative means to care for mental health. If you check out my About page you’ll see that it’s true. If it’s about withdrawal and it’s on the web (and has decent info) it’s on my About page. I also include many good books and outside resources.

If its about alternative mental health care it might be on my about page. There is much more info on the net on that particular issue, and using my about page to bounce off into google searches is a good place to start that research. I hope you will use this blog for those reasons and direct people to my about page when they need these kinds of information. If you are a blogger or have a website with a link to my blog and feel so inclined I’d greatly appreciate your changing the link in your blogrolls to my about page rather than the home page. If someone is doing a quick look-see the chances of getting useful info are much higher on my about page.

Until I feel better I will be writing less, though I do hope to continue alerting you to important information and educational issues that tie into the purpose of this blog.

A teaser: once I’m healthy I’ve agreed to a radio interview. I was asked to do it now—actually have been asked several times to do it over the last several months, but I don’t want to do the interview until I’m a full-on success story. I offered to do an interview now and then again when I was healthy, but I said I would not do it now only  reflecting an incomplete recovery. That offer was turned down. So I will wait until I’m healthy and celebrate my victory with my voice over the airways. (it will be available on the net as well)

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8 thoughts on “Brief check in

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  1. Gianna:

    God bless you as you go along on your journey. I imagine rage will be around for a while. It’s a normal reaction to what you’re going through. I also know that as women, we worry more about anger than men. It’s a feeling; don’t judge yourself for having it.


  2. hi gianna,
    my thoughts are with you as you go through this heavy-duty withdrawal phase of your life. i imagine your body being so very thankful for all you are doing to help restore balance and health…it all takes time.

    i take klonapin at night to sleep, maybe one day, soon i hope i won’t need anything to sleep…

    wishing you the best,

  3. hey bipolarlife,
    thanks for the good wishes…and it’s nice you noticed the interview…I am really looking forward to that day and it’s very exciting to me.

    Strattera can be really nasty to get off of. I’m glad to hear you’re alright…try not to think of the long road…it’s makes it much harder…

    I think AA has it right when they say their infamous cliche of “taking it one day at a time.” Sometimes I find taking it one moment at a time is best….

    And trying not to think about the future…all we have is now…we might as well make the best of it, on or off drugs, huh?

    best to you!!

  4. We’re all rooting for you! It will be a great day when you are able to do that interview.

    I am finally off Strattera and feel relatively amazing although there is still a long road to go to get off depakote. My thinking still gets tangled up sometimes.

  5. I can appreciate how sick the drug withdrawals have made you. I too have got sick from a Zyprexa withdrawal. Strangely, only today I was remarking how my own appetite has vanished. Zyprexa is notorious for making people not only very stupid but very fat too. Over the last two years, I have put on over 4 stone (25kg) in weight.

    The doctor claimed my weight gain is “normal” and not of any medical significance. He actually implied it was “a mistake” to have given up smoking! Some medic!

    Your post got me thinking that perhaps my body is adjusting to less Zyprexa, and that my appetite is returning to its natural drug-free level. In fact, perhaps our drug-free bodies overcompensate, reducing our calorific intake to burn off all that blubber gained from taking psychiatric drugs!

  6. susan and Susan!
    thanks for the well-wishes…I’m actually having one of my less-than-awful days today and already wrote a post for tomorrow!! I love it when I am inspired to write…it just happens less often!!

    In any case I do have some fun moments and I’ve had a lot of fun writing my last post that will appear at midnight tonight….

  7. Dear Gianna,
    Sorry to hear that you’re feeling so poorly. Glad to hear that you’ve been able to talk with your “old mentor” about it. And it’s very helpful to know about all the recourses you offer. That’s something I hadn’t really thought out.

    As always, my thoughts are with you!


  8. Gianna, please take care of yourself.

    Daniel better be taking good care of you and treating you like the Queen you are.

    And the critters better be helping too.

    We will be here reading. 😉

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