Trauma, subpersonalities, the lie and constant change (parts)

Some traumatic experiences are such that there is no one who is equipped to help us heal. This is okay. We can still find ways to heal. The village will be involved, but it’s unlikely that any one person will know how to meet our needs.

What is not OK is when we are told we must get help from this or that professional because sometimes (with some frequency) those professionals are hacks to our trauma.

Healing, more than anything, becomes an exercise in learning to trust oneself. This is especially important when there are people about who want to force us to do things that are counterproductive to healing. Unfortunately the medical and psychological establishments perpetuates many such treatments.

My village has been patch-worked together from all over the world. I’m profoundly grateful for the internet given I would not have healed otherwise.


the neglected one, emerging, actually hurts…physically…she is creativity, she is boundless and she’s not wanting to be silenced anymore. The pharmaceutical brain injury impaired the nervous system so profoundly that there is much work to do in healing this body, this container. this is not the stuff on spontaneous perfection…though it is an inherently and profound process of spontaneity…


The lie is often very painful and confronting it is therefore scary. But confront it we must so that we can let go and be free.


When I’m really healing everything is constantly changing…I always have to be ready to totally do everything differently all over again. For example there are many herbs I couldn’t tolerate at all at one time that then become the most important pieces of the puzzle for a time. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s actually totally insane to be told one must take pharmaceuticals for the rest of their lives. That is, most of the time, shutting down any chance of ever healing. It creates stagnancy…it is the opposite of healing.


The most amazing part of this journey is revealing itself within the context of a detoxification process. Sadly, this further alienates me from almost everyone since it’s simply largely not understood or believed in the west. Both Chinese medicine and Ayurvedic medicine understand the importance of detoxification and it’s pretty fundamental to their systems. There are in fact a great many critters in our bodies…both healthy and unhealthy ones…microscopic bacteria, virus, yeast etc. (and now, modern humans deal with unprecedented amounts of toxins too)

Detox is by no means a state of deprivation in most cases either…many people imagine it involves intense fasting. (sometimes it does but most of the time it does not and in instances of severe illness or deficiency it’s contraindicated) … in any case the detox I’ve been involved in is correlated with mental/emotional/psychological and spiritual cleansing/purging/trauma release/development of clarity etc.

Again, most people can’t even conceive of what I’m talking about though *some* chinese and ayurvedic sorts can follow and trust my process to, at least, some degree. I don’t feel like I sound like a crazy person when I talk to such folks, in any case.

My mind is being blown (in a good way) daily now and I am catapulting to a healthier and healthier nervous system. (baby steps are good and it seems the only way on this journey)

I should add that while there is an element of alienation there is also a profound sense of coming home: to my body and the human family both.

All that said, this remains a long process. I was on death’s door. Bedridden, nonverbal with totally atrophied muscles. Healing takes time.


First piece of info I ran with when I found myself non-verbal and bedridden was from a friend who said, “be curious about your experience.” Being hopeful in the heinously difficult condition I found myself in was actually impossible…being curious was not. Now you might say that surrender *and* curiosity is the foundation of my practice… curiosity, really, is mindfulness.


*it is potentially dangerous to come off medications without careful planning. Please be sure to be well-educated before undertaking any sort of discontinuation of medications. If your MD agrees to help you do so, do not assume they know how to do it well even if they claim to have experience. They are generally not trained in discontinuation and may not know how to recognize withdrawal issues. A lot of withdrawal issues are misdiagnosed to be psychiatric problems. This is why it’s good to educate oneself and find a doctor who is willing to learn with you as your partner in care.  Really all doctors should always be willing to do this as we are all individuals and need to be treated as such. See: Psychiatric drug withdrawal and protracted withdrawal syndrome round-up

It’s become clear to me that whenever it’s possible that it’s helpful for folks who’ve not begun withdrawal and have the time to consider a carefully thought out plan to attempt to bring greater well-being to your body before starting the withdrawal. That means learning how to profoundly nourish your body/mind and spirit prior to beginning a withdrawal. For suggestions on how to go about doing that check the drop-down menus on this blog for ideas. Anything that helps you learn how to live well can be part of your plan. That plan will look different for everyone as we learn to follow our hearts and find our own unique paths in the world. Things to begin considering are diet, exercise and movement, meditation/contemplation etc. Paying attention to all these things as you do them helps too. The body will start letting us know what it needs as we learn to pay attention. 

For a multitude of ideas about how to create a life filled with safe alternatives to psychiatric drugs visit the drop-down menus at the top of this page. 

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