I made my last taper of Klonopin toward the end of March. I don’t remember the exact day but I know it was approximately 10 days before my friend was due to visit because I was thinking I didn’t want to be in the throws of intense withdrawals when she came and I’ve routinely been making cuts every 10 – 14 days when I feel a bit better.
Note: none of this is advice for anyone else–I’ve entered a realm where my situation is simply NOT typical of other less complicated withdrawal processes—this is my unique experience.
In any case, because I had two sets of guests coming between the 5th and the 14th I decided I would stop tapering thinking that would allow me to feel better while my guests were here. That idea back-fired badly.
Oddly enough, instead of feeling better as a result of putting off the tapering, I felt progressively worse as the days went by. I got sicker and sicker and sicker after the time I normally feel better. I stopped being able to sit up at all. When I cooked, I needed my husband to be my “sous chef” and prepare all the ingredients and I would stand in 2 -5 minute increments to get those meals I put on the cooking blog made-up. I was blacking out when standing and seeing stars when I bent over or knelt down to avoid passing out.
The exhaustion was just a hell of a lot worse in general and I had to hide in my room a good 50% of the time my guests were here because talking was simply too much stimulation. Luckily both of them happen to be two of the most beautiful and loving individuals I’ve ever met and we were able to have a very special time in spite of how sick I was.
Anyway, once my last guest left, I told my husband I wanted to make the next taper immediately. I don’t know what I was thinking except it couldn’t get worse and I was so miserable I wanted to die. And even though in general the advice is to wait until you feel better, something inside me said “I need this poison out of my body now!” And I chose to trust it. It has been approximately a month since my last cut, the longest I’ve gone in a very long time.
So I tapered 1/16th of a mg of Klonopin 2 days ago. And I feel better than I have since my last cut. I even made a run to the store today with the help of a friend and picked out my groceries. I did not have a single moment when I felt like I’d black out or fall over! This is a first in probably three months that an outing was so succesful!
Every time I manage to go to the store, which I still stubbornly do whenever I can function at all, I end up in crisis by the end of the trip and today NOT SO!! I came home and even had a cup of tea with the friend who helped me. That is VERY strange. I usually have to collapse and completely chill out for a good while before I can do anything again after going out and so I do it very rarely!
Very strange. That’s all I can say.
And the whole concept of this drug being TOXIC for me now at this fraction of a dose I was once on is revisited. It certainly seems my body is dying to get the crap out. I will not take any more breaks in tapering, because it clearly made me much sicker and though I’m still grossly impaired now, I am definitely improved. I can’t expect it to continue but I can, at least, enjoy it while it lasts.
Can’t wait until this is all over!! And the real recovery can begin!