The visit to my MD and essentially getting diagnosed with “drug damage!!”

Yes, it’s legit now. On record by a board certified MD!!

Understanding this post in it’s entirety may depend on having read this one.

I’ve edited a couple of comments I made after my doctor’s visit in order to make this post. I’m generally too tired to write much original stuff lately, but I’d like to give a little update. I went to my general practitioner seeking a referral for home health as stated in the above linked post.

My general practitioner does play by the book but he is also a really nice guy who BELIEVES my tale!! And that is amazing in this world where docs think psychotropics are just dandy in general. The great thing about this guy is I don’t believe he’s ever spent less than an hour with me. He is totally old school and I don’t really know how the heck he does it except I always have to wait for at least 2 hours to see him once I get there on time.

I’ve been seeing him since before I started withdrawing. He knows me pretty well and trusts my judgment and has an open mind, in spite of pumping pharma ads in his office on two large screens. I’ve decided he must do this because the practice he is a part of is Christian and in the spirit of true Christianity they often do not require payment from the uninsured or under insured. I suppose this is why I don’t totally bail. The guy is a good man.

In any case the most awesome thing is that he did indeed come up with a diagnosis that included language that did amount to meaning “psychiatric drug damage!!!” He could do nothing else having ruled out all other possibilities for all my varied, diverse and severe physical complaints. He’s ruled out MS, Lupus, Lyme Disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis among that which I can remember.

Talk about feeling vindicated and validated. This will be on my medical record now. I can use this, instead of the bullshit bipolar diagnosis to plead my case when my disability is again reviewed. The drugs are, after all, what took me out of work. My facetious diagnosis creation from my last post has actually come to fruition! I suggested perhaps diagnosing myself with:

1. Psychiatric Drug Damage

2. Chemical Injury

3. Iatrogenic Illness

4. Mitochondrial Damage

The diagnosis he gave me was something akin to “muscle weakness and atrophy secondary to chronic medication usage.”  He also documented the severe nausea, the convulsive/neurological like symptoms, the migraines, the noise and light sensitivity, the severe flu-like aches and pains, etc.

He also told me I had great courage and said he realized that most people with my history ended up with deadened spirits. He seems to really get what I’m up to and truly appreciate it. He understands that the psychiatrized often end up not believing in themselves and he clearly sees my fighting spirit and acknowledges it in a profound sense.

He thinks the diagnosis will fly with Medicare and I will find out next week when the home health people visit to do an assessment.

If  this diagnosis does not fly he is willing to revisit other possible alternatives like “chronic fatigue syndrome”—as I do have the Epstein Barr Virus, but I’ve had it since I was 16 and while it may be playing a part in the picture my extreme history with extreme over-medication is very well documented and therefore he thinks this diagnosis is better for my ongoing medical records because he has been documenting my reports for several years now.

My disability was suppose to be reviewed last March but never was, so it could happen at any time. So now this documentation will help me as I have no intention of being on record as mentally ill anymore. I suppose the psychiatrist I now see can say whatever he wants, frankly it’s unclear to me what he thinks of me—he calls me his “recovery gal,”  but I imagine he’ll still be using my old label. I sure as hell, however,  will not use the term bipolar when I’m filling out my paperwork. It’s clear it was the drugs that disabled me and the withdrawals that continue making me ill.

There is no question in my mind about that and I’m glad it’s on record.

I said in my last post why this trip to the doc was going to be so difficult. I’ve completely avoided going back there since my last visit:

I’ve planned the trip to the doctors so I don’t have to go in the office, because even though my doc is nice his practice puts big ol’ pharma screens in the waiting room pumping out pharma commercials. Last time I went I swear I was totally traumatized by the time I went into the exam room. I wouldn’t go to a regular doc of this nature at all but I need him for Medicare. If I could I’d never walk into a traditional doctor’s office again in my life.

I will wait in the car and Daniel will come get me when they call me into the exam room.

Then I’m coming prepared with a small fold up futon to lay on the floor in the doctors exam room because the table I had to lay on last time was excruciatingly uncomfortable and I waited in there for two hours in pain.

So a futon and some blankets on the floor. Don’t know what the heck he and his staff are gonna think of me camping out on his floor, but frankly I don’t give a damn. I refuse to go through what I went through last time. And this society does nothing to accomodate the seriously physically ill and so I’ll do what I need to do to make myself comfortable.

So when he saw me on the floor on the futon he smiled and said, “this is a first.”

I raised my fist in the air and said, “self-advocacy!!” and told him how awful my last visit there had been because I was so uncomfortable. He was very nice.

Anyway, I was going to wait to write this post until the home health people had come by and assessed me and gotten verification from medicare, but I’m low on stuff to post so I thought I’d just go with this now. The home health people should be here this week sometime hopefully and I’ll let you know how it goes.

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