Who I am: not this blog

Note: for anyone reading my blog now or in the future: this in part is a healing therapeutic process for me. I am not hateful, vengeful or vindictive as some people seemed to think when I confronted an old abuser. I do not hate this man. Please read the comment thread on that post if you walked away assuming anything and to get some sense of the process involved. I’ve had a few people who seem to assume I’m inappropriately angry because he gave an apology. These comments came in email for the most part. Posts on this blog are snapshots of moments in my life. They do not tell the whole story. You cannot assume a post is the end of a story and I’d appreciate it if people understand that I share only a fraction of what goes on in my life and you really shouldn’t imagine you know me. You don’t.

What I share I share in the hopes that it will both be therapeutic for me and others as well who have perhaps lived similar situations. If the stories I tell are so outside your experience you can’t relate then again, stop and think about that and maybe consider that if you don’t have something constructive to say it might be a good idea to say nothing. If it’s not constructive in some way, then why say it?

I choose to put myself out here and make myself vulnerable. That doesn’t mean it’s easy when I get targeted by mean-spirited shit coming from all sides.

I’m not angry enough by some people’s standards, too angry by others, not anti-psychiatry enough for some, too critical of meds for others. And I routinely get attacked, both for what I think and who people imagine I am. Again, you don’t know me. You only see a sliver of who I am.


Of course most of you who make yourselves known to me are delightful and you are what makes this blog happen and I think you intutively get all the above. But I do get a fair share of people who I think need to be reminded of what I’ve just written.

14 thoughts on “Who I am: not this blog

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  1. Deborah,
    I actually have a number of readers who I know are at great odds with me who regularly read my blog…it’s a source of discomfort, believe me. A few of them have said very painful things to me and they still regularly read me…

    I always wonder why if they take such great issue with my attitudes and opinions they keep reading me.

    and it’s a freaky feeling knowing that people who don’t like me know intimate things about me, even if, again, it’s just a tiny fraction of who I am.

  2. Gianna, you are so fine, so civil, so articulate. Your statements to and about the psychiatrist are spot-on, well-deserved and overdue.

    If a blow-through visitor makes a nasty remark – consider the source and ignore it.

    You go girl.

  3. What?! You’re not a bitter angry person? What the heck am I reading this blog for?! 😉 Seriously, I get called a lot of not so nice things. You’re doing great and are allowed to have feelings. Go with it.

  4. We all know you are a diva, Gianna. lol. I’m just kidding. You are not a diva. We all love you and fully support you. I also know that there may be some things that you do not share, and are not required to do so. I completely understand what it is like to be misunderstood. I feel like I am constantly trying to explain my actions every day to people that, no matter how much they THINK they know me, really haven’t even scratched the surface. Some of us are very complicated people. I am one of those people too. -xo

  5. Gianna…

    Let’s assume that your blog is all of you – just for a moment, even though it is not – and you were hate filled or vengeful. Simply because someone offered an apology does not make it right, nor does it mean that apology is heartfelt and sincere.

    What you feel and what you experienced is part of you, regardless of how big or how small. No one has the ability to take that away from you, and no one should tell you how you should feel or react.

    Your experiences and posts are always insightful, and I’ve learned a lot in a short period of time, all because of information you’ve provided. The bravery you show in dealing with the entire situation (and the slivers you show us) are awe inspiring, so don’t let anyone get you down!

  6. You have very beautifully articulated who you are and why you do what you do and why you say what you say. I think many of us know who you are, and for that, we are grateful. It’s a shame you have to spend time defending what you’re about, but I know that’s something we all have to do at times, especially those of us who are psych survivors. You are gentle when gentleness is called for, courageous when needed, and bold and assertive when times call for it.

    You rock, Gianna!

  7. I am a person who loves your blog, and thanks you for all of your help and the compilation of knowledge here is mind boggling.

    I learned a long time ago to never judge a person by their blog. I got very hurt by people judging me…

  8. You were right, Gianna. You told me not so long ago that a person has to be pretty thick-skinned to be out here. Don’t let eh negative comments get you down.

  9. It’s mind boggling how some people raise an outcry as soon as they scent the least trace of anger, or just non-compassion. Denying that anger sometimes can be very liberating/healing, too.

    This guy didn’t only act abusive in the past. He acted abusive here and now. Not even when he was confronted by you did he really apologize. He only tried to explain away – “I don’t recall you as a patient”. Bs.

    There’s a time for compassion, and there certainly also is a time for anger. To deny that, is abusive in itself. Not even Jesus turned the other cheek each and every time.

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