98% Of Babies Manic-Depressive

From the Onion:

NEW YORK—A new study published in The Journal Of Pediatric Medicine found that a shocking 98 percent of all infants suffer from bipolar disorder. “The majority of our subjects, regardless of size, sex, or race, exhibited extreme mood swings, often crying one minute and then giggling playfully the next,” the study’s author Dr. Steven Gregory told reporters. “Additionally we found that most babies had trouble concentrating during the day, often struggled to sleep at night, and could not be counted on to take care of themselves—all classic symptoms of manic depression.” Gregory added that nearly 100 percent of infants appear to suffer from the poor motor skills and impaired speech associated with Parkinson’s disease.

Unfortunately I’ve heard of children as young as 18 months being medicated so this isn’t all that far off the mark.

Also everyone has ups and downs, don’t they? And the rampant labeling of anyone who has any sort of mood fluctuation as bipolar should also be taken note of here. It’s called being human once again and darn, even babies display it!

Meds often make a minor mood problem into a big one.

Via: Furious Seasons

17 thoughts on “98% Of Babies Manic-Depressive

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  1. It does feel very satire. I know many families who would never medicate their child, not to mention babies, and I know other families who are all on medication for mood disorders. I have heard all sorts of opinions. I am even reading a book right now called “bipolar bare.” The author Tim Link shares his childhood, adulthood, and look at what comes out of dealing with treatment of the disease. An amazing book by the way, but the point is that this subject is all over the place now, maybe we can all learn something from it.

  2. Infants ARE drugged from birth! If born in a typical hospital setting, they start right off with those drops of silver nitrate in the eyes. I’ve heard the claims that this doesn’t hurt the newborn. Ever get silver nitrate in your eyes, burns like hell and causes blurred vision, which is supposedly unimportant as infants are not able to see clearly at birth anyway, or so they say. So after the unavoidable “trauma” of being transported through the birth canal infants are then subjected to an ongoing experience of pain/discomfort. The administration of eye-drops has been a long-standing practice. Initially it was begun as a prophylactic to prevent transmission of such undesirable infections as gonorrhea and other STD’s which can be transmitted via movement through an infected birth canal. We are certainly now able to identify these conditions long before the delivery so it is no longer necessary yet it continues as a standard operating procedure. It’s interesting the routines we all can get into and then forget to question down the road as to their ongoing relevance. It is not uncommon for nurses to guess which mother’s were given pain meds during delivery by assessing the infant. Drugged moms = drugged infants, couldn’t be more obvious. It’s a nightmare to even imagine what happens to each infant who displays any symptom other than glowing, perfect health. You bet they’re medicated.
    Satire yes, but how could it not hit too close to the bone?

    1. Watch the Business of Being Born

      I’m convinced the paucity of natural childbirth is part of the problem with kids being less bonded to their mothers. Mothers are drugged and also given synthetic hormones which stop the natural production of Oxytocin which is the BONDING hormone …women need this hormone to properly bond with their babies…ALSO I have a theory that if they weren’t so radically messed with when giving birth there would be a much lower incidence of post partem depression as well…

      we’re messing with nature..our bodies KNOW how to give birth, but we’re so out of tune we’ve forgotten and no one wants to feel pain…

      fear of all pain, natural or otherwise, physical or mental…has gotten us into this mess…

  3. I understand the “joke”. Some jokes just aren’t meant to be funny. But perhaps humour is a more effective way of exposing the evil-doer to the widest audience.

    If anything, the joke doesn’t go far enough. The motive for drugging infants remains unstated: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    And once the public are cognisant of the method, means and motive of the child druggers, they are going to demand the scalps of those peddling such evil. The spotlight of shame is on fascist propagandists like Dr Josef Biederman, and Countess Marjorie Wallace. These are two of the most evil monsters in psychiatry who profit by millions from the death and misery they foist on society.

  4. oh ya I don’t believe children can be called mentally ill, as they are children. Only adults can have “mental illness” , wrong behaviour from feelings that overtake the intellectual mind.
    Children are supposed to have strong feelings and then learn to cope with them, its called growing up/maturing. Ever see a small child get some candy? See how happy their face is? Age-experience is supposed to dull our feelings of joy into managable levels.

  5. Ya – but someday they’ll put them on meds AT BIRTH to FIX that … 🙂 Ya – not so funny – but still made me chuckle.
    & I’m one of those who DIDN’T know it was satire – 🙂 Not been around here long enuf and also a TAD jaded to the Psyche groups out there.

  6. Yes, Gianna, I know it’s satire… but I still can’t laugh at it, because it’s really not all that ridiculous, given what’s been going on… I mean, the ridiculousness of it all is that it’s actually way too close to reality for me to laugh at it. And I usually love the Onion.

  7. guys!! this is satire…you know that right??

    ONION is satire!! the thing is it’s not funny in many regards because it’s a little too close to home, isn’t it??

    someone else believed it too and asked that I remove that comment…


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