Shaming children is emotional abuse

Shaming children is abusive and it’s one of the many hidden sources of trauma since people sometimes need to learn what shaming behavior is. This is especially true if parents were subjected to shaming themselves by their own parents and have never recognized it as abuse.

From Psychology Today a small excerpt from an article by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.

Shaming and humiliation causes fear in children. This fear does not go away when they grow up. It becomes a barrier for a healthy emotional life and is difficult to eradicate. If these same children become parents, the possibility also exists that the fear and negativity can be unwittingly passed through the generations.

Our goal in recovery is to stop the legacy of distorted love. As Seneca (Roman philosopher, author, politician, 4 B.C.E. to C.E. 65) says, “ Fear and love cannot live together…Blows are used to correct brute beasts.”

When we talk about disrespectful children, we must look at parenting. Solid parenting shows children respect and empathy. When a parent truly gives respect to a child, they receive it back. When this becomes the norm for the household, we see young people grow up with a loving value system that makes a difference in the world. However, when children are shamed, humiliated and then silenced, it represses the harm that may re-surface later in life. If this happens, it can be in the form of self-destruction or cruelty to others.

Make the commitment to never shame a child. Treat children like you want to be treated. (read the rest)

What traumatizes our children is often not readily recognized by all adults. We can help our children be happy and healthy and strong if we learn about what we ourselves were subjected to and transform it through a process of understanding and integration. That generally requires deeply feeling the pain we experienced. See: Generational pain and Feeling Everything to Heal

A few posts on Beyond Meds that look at how childhood trauma can affect mental and physical health for one’s whole life:

●  Trauma, Brain and Relationship: Helping Children Heal

●  The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study

●  Childhood trauma once again linked to mental health issues in adulthood

●  The Toxic Stress of Early Childhood Adversity (trauma)

●  The legacy of childhood trauma

●  PTSD versus a post traumatic response 

About Monica Cassani

Author/Editor Beyond Meds: Everything Matters