Dear family and friends

I wrote this to my family and friends yesterday, many of whom know very little about what is going on with me.

Dear family and friends,

Some of you know some of this and some of you don’t.

I have reached a point in my detox where I cannot go on without professional care. I’ve come off 6 psychotropic drugs over a five year period and while I am mentally sound and stable,  I’m physically completely disabled.

I cannot stand for more than a couple of minutes and sitting too makes me sick. I write this now laying down with a laptop in my lap.

I suffer from convulsions, migraines, spinal pain, numbness in my hands, severe cognitive problems, severe nausea and I’ve lost 50 lbs without trying to because I have such a difficult time eating. I am completely dependent on others and am housebound and mostly bedbound. My standing blood pressure is 70/30.

The last drug I come off of is a benzodiazepine. Here is what a friend of mine, psychologist and drug addiction specialist says about benzos:

Before retirement I was a psychologist in a drug addiction treatment center. After all my years of working, I consider benzos the worst of the street/prescription drugs, with unbelievably pernicious effects on the body, mind and personality. Two close friends/relatives of mine have had their lives ruined by them. Doctors and psychiatrists seem to have absolutely no idea of the risk they are exposing their patients to when they prescribe any benzodiazapine. Whoever put you on them IMHO should be sued.

I cannot blame it all on the benzos—all the drugs I was on are neurotoxins— but it’s well known among those who withdraw from these drugs that the benzos  do often debilitate all on their own and it is now the final drug I must come off of. The Lamictal, a so-called mood-stabilizer is what started the process of debilitation though it’s certainly gotten worse with the benzo. I have no intention of suing anyone by the way. The doctor who did this to me was as ignorant of what he was doing as I was in letting him do it to me. He, nor any of his colleagues with the sort of training he had had a clue. Granted there is plenty enough information now if one looks for it and this practice should not be continuing but it tragically is. To continue practicing what they call medicine in this manner at this point is, indeed, criminal.

My mom arrives tomorrow to take me to a very advanced and special detox center. I will not be all better once the detox is done.  There will be much more healing needed. My body is harmed and damaged. Indeed, so few people have done what I’m doing (gone off these toxic poisons after being on astronomical high doses of them for 20 years) that I am basically a pioneer.

I can say with confidence I have my spirit and soul back and that alone is worth it. I was not in touch with my inner being and I am once again. And so, worst case scenario, I learn to live a limited life with my spirit and mind intact, if not my body.

I’ve been studying this process extensively and networking with thousands like me and only met a handful of people with my extreme history.  I also communicate regularly with professionals and a special journalist who studies people who are the first of a generation like me. (since these drugs came out when I was a young woman and I proved a good guinea pig) Most people though do not end up on huge cocktails like me…unfortunately it’s becoming more and more a popular thing to do, however.

So I ask that I be in your thoughts and that you send me healing energy as I embark on this journey with no guaranteed outcome.

That I may have my life back.

16 thoughts on “Dear family and friends

  1. Gianna,
    I had detoxed on my own without any guidance or support from the medical professional. It was just me and fortunately a good friend who so kept in daily touch with me.
    I went off anti-psychotics, anti-depressants. sleeping pills and benzo blinding tapering and hoping for the best. I did it. It was a mess as you’ve read my old posts.
    We can do it. We can reclaim ourselves.
    My heart is aching for what you have already done and are almost finished doing. I’m glad you’ll be in good hands and further pave the ways for others.


  2. Sorry I’m so slow to read this – but thanks for sending me the email – 🙂

    I hope and pray that you will have a complete healing – sounds like life is unbearable without it.

    Keep us posted k?


  3. Best Wishes Gianna!

    Once you’re through this, it’s going to be free wheelin’ all the way!

    Love, Sloopy!


  4. Gianna, I am hoping for you. Lots and lots of hope. I came off the benzos. My dose was low and less than ten years, and still it was miserable. I am hoping you will regain your health. I am thinking of you and sending out good, healing vibes with love. Hang in there. You are strong on the inside. You never know… your body could rebound and flourish. It could… I hope for you.


  5. Best wishes to you Gianna, here’s hoping you achieve freedom from the drugs as well as the physical incapacitation. Be well, very well!


  6. Dear Gianna,
    I just read this, and so I’m sorry I didn’t know about it earlier. All my love for you on this part of your journey. I know you’ll give it your all! Hugs and prayers from Los Angeles!



  7. you’re all so lovely…
    I’ve just arrived in the hotel for the first night. We have another 5 hours to go tomorrow…

    today went very well and I’m sure all your loving thoughts helped—especially since I was terrified of this journey and it simply wasn’t so bad…

    I was in the back of a mini-van with a futon so it wasn’t much different than being in my bedroom!! I even watched and listened to stuff on my computer!!


  8. Gianna, I’m thinking of you and sending you all the healing energy I can muster!


  9. Slan agus beannacht, Gianna. That’s Irish for “health and blessings.” Thank you for this recap of your situation, I appreciate it.

    In closing, slan abhaile (safe home).


  10. You are an inspiration to me.I didn’t think I could go on until I found your web site. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish you gentle healing with God speed.


  11. Gianna,

    Your complete healing will happen. I hope you get well, stay well and live well.


  12. Thanks for including me in your news. Yours has been an amazing journey, and it continues to be. I can’t imagine there are very many people who could have done what you’ve accomplished. You are a pioneer, and a damned brave one at that. I hope your healing continues and can proceed at an accelerated pace now. It will take time, but with the help you’re arranging, your continued high spirits, and patience, I feel confident you will prevail. In so many ways, you already have. I have pointed to your courage many times for people questioning the psychiatric care they’ve received. I just heard of someone last week who was taking dexedrine (a dopamine increasing drug) in combination with Geodon (a dopamine reducing drug). What was the point? It is a bizarre situation without rhyme or reason in most cases. You already know this, of course.


  13. Darling Girl,

    Of course we pray for your total recovery, and are with you each step of the way. The backlash that comes with recovery is unreal, and very challenging, but we will rule, this vicious monster. Do nothing but concentrate on your wellness, think positive and surrender to the Universal love that surrounds you. Healing is yours.



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