I wrote this to my family and friends yesterday, many of whom know very little about what is going on with me.
Dear family and friends,
Some of you know some of this and some of you don’t.
I have reached a point in my detox where I cannot go on without professional care. I’ve come off 6 psychotropic drugs over a five year period and while I am mentally sound and stable, I’m physically completely disabled.
I cannot stand for more than a couple of minutes and sitting too makes me sick. I write this now laying down with a laptop in my lap.
I suffer from convulsions, migraines, spinal pain, numbness in my hands, severe cognitive problems, severe nausea and I’ve lost 50 lbs without trying to because I have such a difficult time eating. I am completely dependent on others and am housebound and mostly bedbound. My standing blood pressure is 70/30.
The last drug I come off of is a benzodiazepine. Here is what a friend of mine, psychologist and drug addiction specialist says about benzos:
Before retirement I was a psychologist in a drug addiction treatment center. After all my years of working, I consider benzos the worst of the street/prescription drugs, with unbelievably pernicious effects on the body, mind and personality. Two close friends/relatives of mine have had their lives ruined by them. Doctors and psychiatrists seem to have absolutely no idea of the risk they are exposing their patients to when they prescribe any benzodiazapine. Whoever put you on them IMHO should be sued.
I cannot blame it all on the benzos—all the drugs I was on are neurotoxins— but it’s well known among those who withdraw from these drugs that the benzos do often debilitate all on their own and it is now the final drug I must come off of. The Lamictal, a so-called mood-stabilizer is what started the process of debilitation though it’s certainly gotten worse with the benzo. I have no intention of suing anyone by the way. The doctor who did this to me was as ignorant of what he was doing as I was in letting him do it to me. He, nor any of his colleagues with the sort of training he had had a clue. Granted there is plenty enough information now if one looks for it and this practice should not be continuing but it tragically is. To continue practicing what they call medicine in this manner at this point is, indeed, criminal.
My mom arrives tomorrow to take me to a very advanced and special detox center. I will not be all better once the detox is done. There will be much more healing needed. My body is harmed and damaged. Indeed, so few people have done what I’m doing (gone off these toxic poisons after being on astronomical high doses of them for 20 years) that I am basically a pioneer.
I can say with confidence I have my spirit and soul back and that alone is worth it. I was not in touch with my inner being and I am once again. And so, worst case scenario, I learn to live a limited life with my spirit and mind intact, if not my body.
I’ve been studying this process extensively and networking with thousands like me and only met a handful of people with my extreme history. I also communicate regularly with professionals and a special journalist who studies people who are the first of a generation like me. (since these drugs came out when I was a young woman and I proved a good guinea pig) Most people though do not end up on huge cocktails like me…unfortunately it’s becoming more and more a popular thing to do, however.
So I ask that I be in your thoughts and that you send me healing energy as I embark on this journey with no guaranteed outcome.
That I may have my life back.