I posted this quote to a psychotropic recovery email group I’m part of.
“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves to annihilation can that ~ indestructible in us be found.” ~ Pema Chödrön
With that above quote I said to the group of fellow journey takers, “If this is true we’re all on the way to indestructibility…”
I got a response from a member that I wish to share here. As always, I’ve gotten permission to share. This particular piece of inspiration is written by Zoe.
It’s so true, we really are.
There is a place inside of us that none of this horrible stuff can touch.
I felt unwhole for a very long time, as I got better I realized I was always whole, there is something in the human spirit that is untouchable. There were days I thought I’m not going to make it, so many of them, but I did, I made it through everyday.
Once I began to trust the wisdom of my being, the part of myself that just wanted to survive, the brain and the body that was only trying to move closer and closer to healthy, once I accepted something I didn’t want to accept, I began to see the healing.
I remember sitting on the stoop of the porch in my house in the middle of winter, it was freezing and windy, and I was sobbing and saying I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to do this anymore, I want to die, alone, isolated, no one to call, I hadn’t been touched by another human being in months, and the voice in my head said, yes you can.
God, maybe I can but I don’t want to! But I did, I kept going, I had no other option, the only other option was unacceptable. I had to move forward because backwards was just so dismal. Once I started looking for hope, for healing, I began to find it.
I’m seeing people I have known for over a year and a half recovered, after very long, arduous, horrendous years of agony. Emails coming in everyweek saying I made it, I’m working, I’m driving, I’m shopping, I’m feeling joy. I let go of the drugs, I let go of what happened to me, I was in pain, and I was scared, and hopeless, I told my body and my brain, I trust you, I acknowledged the trauma, I gave sympathy to myself, I said you poor baby over and over and over again. I started to tell myself a different story, not a story of suffering and agony, a story about healing , the story I needed to finally believe, you will heal, it will be okay, I said to my brain and body, I know you are doing the best you can.
I let go of the anger, it was killing me, I had to, I had to wake up every morning and find the joy, the hope, as hard as that was some days I managed to find something. I congratulated myself for grocery shopping, for making soup, all the little things that most take for granted were huge successes for me. The more I honored and loved myself the better I felt, I ignored the bone pain, I ignored the tinnitus, I got really good at moving forward in the symptoms. Yes we are indestructable, there is a place inside us, a place that is reserved for survival, I never knew until I listened.
Thank you Zoe, for lighting the way for so many of us.